Kids might say the darndest things, but when Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell are those kids’ parents, they not only say the darndest things but say them with feeling. Shepard was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show where he chatted about everything from his questionable taste in furniture placement to how family life is going.
Now, it’s all hilarious and in good fun, so much so that you’ll wish you could live with Dax and Kristen for a day. Or week. Or life, whatever. But if you’re the kind of person that likes to give Chrissy Teigen a hard time, then you might already be preparing your list of scathing words for Dax.
“The worst thing that can happen — if you have kids, you know this — the worse thing of owning them is they wake up so early,” Dax told Ellen, explaining why he goes to great lengths to light-proof his daughters’ room. “I don’t know what they think they’re going to do, but uh…”
A confused DeGeneres interrupted him, asking, “What do you mean ‘owning them’?” to which Shepard replied, “Well, we own a couple of these kids. We’ve got a 2013 model and a 2015 model, low miles if anyone’s in the market. All highway. They’re gorgeous.”
He then elaborates that he covers their bedroom windows with aluminum foil (“It’s like they’re meth addicts”) and puts a towel under the door (“They may suffocate”), all in an effort to block out daylight. But it was that one time when the nighttime routine took a painful turn that led to some colourful language coming from Dax’s mouth. And because kids are basically adorable little sponges who remember and repeat almost everything, we think you know where we’re going with this. All hail Lincoln and Delta (and Dax and Kristen)!