Dear Cynthia,
I’m a woman in my late 30’s who has been in the same relationship for the past 13 years. My husband and I are always looking to try new things and he recently suggested watching an adult film together. The only problem is, I really don’t enjoy porn. Plus, isn’t it all really just for men?
Anonymous
To this day, I think that lots of people still subscribe to the notion that porn is not for women. That men are visual and women are cerebral. While there’s no question that most women are not stimulated by all porn, I do believe there is the right type of porn out there for just about everyone.
However, one of the most common things I hear from women is, “How in the world can I find good porn?”
If you’re in a big city – you’re probably lucky enough to have a female-friendly adult store. But if not, you can always go online and find stuff to purchase. If you’re unsure of what you might like–here are a few suggestions:
Start with softcore
If you grew up in Ontario or Quebec in the ’80s –chances are you spent one or two late nights watching ‘Blue Movies’ (or ‘Blue Nuit’ as the French like to say). I still have vivid memories of watching the French film, Emmanuelle late at night while my parents were asleep. Subtle and surprisingly beautiful – it remains (in my humble opinion) one of the hottest films to date.
Go retro
I don’t know if it’s the fact that they are shot on film or that they are filled with free-lovin’ hippies – but there is something about retro erotics that I absolutely love. Some notables are the Mitchell Brothers Behind The Green Door featuring a young and beautiful Marilyn Chambers (who looked a lot like a young Meg Ryan to me) and Radley Metzger’s The Opening Of Misty Beethoven. If you like diverse bodies and aren’t afraid of a little bit of hair (okay, sometimes a lot of hair) – then check out a little retro.
Explore amateur
Amateur pornographers –- like people –- come in all shapes, sizes and ages. The one thing they share is that they generally feature real couples. So if the idea of authenticity is a turn on for you, then it might just what you’re looking for. However, if you’re the type of person who only likes your porn ‘pretty’ it’s a bit of a gamble. Either way, a great place to start is Tony Comstock’s films. He manages to find attractive, intelligent couples who not only discuss the intimate and often romantic details of their relationship – they also have very authentically hot sex.
Educational
These movies are definitely the furthest thing from the SexEd films you watched in school. Whether you are interested in ways to spice up your sex life or how to explore your g-spot – this is a market that has grown in popularity over the past few years as more and more couples have begun to explore erotic films together. The Better Sex Videos is a great place to start.
Look online
If you’re not careful, this can be a really bad suggestion as anyone who has ever accidentally clicked on the wrong website while innocently looking for cute, cuddly photos of kitties knows very well. But if you know where to look, there are lots of fun places to read erotica, look at sexy photos or watch video clips. One of my favorites is Fleshbot.com, which combines sex in the news, written erotica, photographs and clips searchable by category.
