Before I had Babydude, I was more familiar with the romantic notions of motherhood than its daily reality. And so I dreamed of a life spent nurturing, cuddling and loving. Sure, there would be diapers and spit up, but like mold on a fine cheddar, I’d dispatch them swiftly and decisively. Little did I know that the indignities that attend motherhood – starting at morning sickness and ending at…never – are more like the mold on a ripe brie. In their constancy, I’ve come to accept them as the structure that holds the days together.
Pregnancy, childbirth, stretch marks, hormones, laundry, poo stains, cankles, sleepless nights, muffin tops, and now this: The MILF Diet.
Unless you’ve spent the last 15 years reading nothing but actual books, you’ll know that MILF stands for ‘Mom I’d Like to F***’, an acronym popularized by the ’90s party film American Pie. The diet comes to us courtesy Jessica Porter, cookbook author, hypnotherapist and pot-stirrer.
Porter, whose website claims MILF is an “almost magical” compliment for sexy women, created the diet to help moms break the Madonna/whore complex which the site claims has been plaguing women for the last two thousand years. “Suddenly we can be mothers (or the age of mothers) and be considered frisky in the bedroom. With “MILF” comes the acknowledgment of the complexity and beauty of womanhood.”
Backing up the book’s loosey-goosey history are made-up statistics like these: nine out of ten women feel good about the term MILF, and Eckhart Tolle’s books sit on every bedside table.
But The MILF Diet’s sunny rhetoric and fake numbers gloss over a major flaw. By definition, being a MILF isn’t about feeling sexy, it’s about being perceived as sexy by others, specifically school-aged keg enthusiasts. I wasn’t into that kind of guy when I was in my 20s, and count it as a benefit of motherhood that they ignore me now.
But sexuality is a strange beast, and judging by the number of otherwise intelligent women I know who include Twilight in their evening reading, it’s clear that our brains don’t always accompany us to the bedroom. So if the naughtily named cookbook inspires moms to feel sexy and eat more whole grains, fine. Me, I’ll stick with the cheese.