When a dog is bad, they get yelled at. Humans put you in the doghouse. We are deprived of treats, bones, furniture privileges and are constantly called bad dog. When humans are especially upset, they roll up newspapers and we may receive a swift smack on the muzzle or by the tail — It sucks.
That being said, I don’t think humans should go unpunished for their poor behaviour.
Sometimes owners forget that our entire world revolves around them. They are our primary source of nourishment, physical activity — and most importantly — love and affection. When they’re not around, we get lonely and feel neglected. Some of us (ahem, beagles) are pack dogs — you can’t have a pack of one.
Today I will share some methods of punishment:
I sniff out garbage
…and proceed to pull it out of the trash can and like to drag it around the house. For good finds like takeout containers, I like to bring it up on my owner’s bed. This tells my human that I’m still hungry and I’m bored. Garbage everywhere.
I help myself to human food
See, I may be a little guy but I can get on top of the table if I want to. And if you’re so busy you can’t keep an eye on me, I will eat your sandwich and help myself to that bag of sour cream and onion chips.
I pee by the door
Because I have been left at home by myself too long. This means my owner wasn’t considerate enough with her schedule and I had to go and understand I am to go outside. This is to tell her it’s her fault.
I pee on the bed
Exactly on the side where she sleeps. This is to let her know I’m really, really angry. This means I know I’m not supposed to go here and this is where you sleep — and this is the highest form of punishment you can receive from me. This is to tell her I’m not okay with her behaviour and she’s been bad.
So, I’ll admit it — I have a hot temper and I don’t take it well when my expectations aren’t met. I expect sufficient cuddles, cookies and lengthy walks — I take pride in being a ridiculously fit, handsome fella, you know?