I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and now that I am one, I’m happy to report that most of the time it’s a pretty sweet gig. My lullabies cajole sleep, my snuggles sooth sadness, my funny faces and tickles induce laughter. I get to bond with Badydude, and feel like a fairy-godmother-slash-superhero all at once. Most of the time. But when I’m staring down a mountain of laundry or a dirty toilet, all I can think is, I did not sign up for this.
So when the relatively DIY royal couple posted for a servant (note, not a nanny, but a cleaner and all-round assistant), I was all like, Way to go Wills and Katie! Because as far as I’m concerned, the extra housework that comes with a baby is THE WORST. Like all new parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will be busy enough raising the royal progeny without having to worry about mildew in the privy or fluff on their tapestries.
I only wish I could hire a servant to scour my john and vacuum my IKEA rug, but even when I was working full time and could sort of afford it, the idea of hiring help seemed impossibly bourgeois. I grew up in a working-class tourist town, the kind of place where most people get paid to clean up after visitors and would never consider getting anyone else to do their dirty work.
So I’ve come up with up a solution, one that satisfies both my frugalista upbringing and my burgeoning desire to have someone else clean the toilet: I’m going to have another baby. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. Daycare fees are astronomical, and it costs less to hire one nanny than pay for two preschool tuitions. Since it’s possible to find a nanny who will also do chores, Baby #2 will practically pay for itself.** And I’ll return from work to a clean home and two kiddies eager for my magic mama cuddles. It’s win-win!
**It should be noted that while the author has a sharp handle on All Things Royal, she barely passed Grade 10 math.