The reality is I am not a young pup anymore — I’m not exactly an old dog yet; but I’m not a whippersnapper.
It’s been said that for every human year, a dog ages seven. This is not true — the age, growth and maturity of a dog varies depending on the breed. Big guys like the Great Dane and even your average Labrador will age faster than little fluff balls like the Shih Tzu. The beagle is a small to medium size dog — so we age differently than them both.
That being said, I am currently going through a midlife crisis. I am 44 in beagle years — going out of my mind and have no access to a red sports car. My paws are too clumsy to set up an online dating account so I can’t even have an affair.
Just like a human, I’ve hit the mid-point in my life where I’m starting to question my beliefs. When my owner barks a command at me, I have to wonder — why should I respond? So, for the last couple of weeks, I just haven’t been taking orders.
Daily conversations sound something like this:
Owner: Clark, get off the bed
Owner: Get off the bed.
Owner: GET OFF THE BED!
Owner: Clark, GET OFF THE BED NOW!
Me: Give me a cookie and then we’ll talk
I’ve also been pushing my boundaries in other ways. Yes, I have a good collection of doggie plush toys — but what makes it a doggie plush toy? Last week, I helped myself to one of her toys. She was pretty angry about that.
When does a midlife crisis end? I’m not really sure. I am at the peak of mine — but hopefully life starts to make sense again.
Until then, I’m going to continue not caring. I’ll keep you posted, Loop readers. Or, I won’t. I’ll decide next week.