Believe it or not, some moms are actually high on parenting!
Well, technically they’re high while parenting, thanks to the frequent use of pot. They call themselves the Marijuana Moms, and they’re all parents in (where else?) Beverly Hills who, when they’re not toking up, throw themselves lavish dinner parties featuring menus of dope-flavoured dishes. In other words, they’re like first-year university students with better food.
“I like to think we are bringing some glamour and exclusivity to marijuana use,” says Cheryl Shuman, a 53-year-old mother of two. (Because, presumably, that’s what has been missing from the pot scene all these years.)
She says the joints make these Real (High) Housewives of Beverly Hills better able to cope with the chronic pain they all deal with, and have the side benefit of making them better wives and moms (and here we always thought getting stoned could cause children, not help raise them.)
Why, says January Thomas, 37, who lights up five times a day while caring for a 2-year-old daughter, “it puts me in the moment … and stops me worrying about everyday problems” (freeing up the weed-addled mind to concentrate on the hidden messages being given off by the lamp, or on what the dog is saying).
Now, maybe these women got an updated copy of Dr. Spock’s parenting book that the rest of us missed, but their method of child rearing really isn’t all that unorthodox. After all, Mommy Brain causes mental blackouts too. And who of us hasn’t been in a drug-like state after spending a few days with a toddler or a few minutes with a teenager – time guaranteed to leave our minds in a haze, and us paranoid and mumbling incoherently?
The only difference is that when you use pot, those problems eventually go away.
So rather than judge these moms, let’s acknowledge that their experiences will be richly educational for their families. The kids will learn words they’ll never see on Sesame Street, like cannabis and bong. They’ll get a head start on phonetics (“remember, Sally, the “J’ in marijuana is pronounced like a “Y”). They’ll witness science experiments as Mom fires up the water pipe (a great way to explain heat exchange and dissolution).
They’ll even learn basic geography, thanks to the origins of B.C. Bud, Acapulco Gold and Cambodia Red. And let’s not forget the opportunity to teach the concepts of money, by explaining the difference between a nickel bag and a dime bag.
Besides, what kid is not going to be thrilled to have a mom who’s always baking brownies, and keeps the pantry stocked with chips and snacks?
Perhaps we should even be envious of all the bonding moments their pot use creates. When’s the last time, for example, you planted and tended a hydroponic garden with your kids? Or sat down with them for a DVD marathon of Weeds and Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke? Or spent hours laughing endlessly with them about nothing?
Problems will arise for the moms when the kids get older and start asking questions about the wacky tabbacky, that’s true. But there’s a simple solution: lie, as we do already with our tales about a Tooth Fairy, and a Santa Claus who has flying reindeer (speaking of stories that sound like they came from someone stoned out of his gourd!).
If that doesn’t work, well, we can just tell them that being a parent was a real high for us.
Not that we inhaled, of course.
Readers, what do you think of these pot-smoking moms? Good parents or just good at justifications? Let us know in the comments!
Image credit: YouTube/Barcroft TV