1. You compare your new partner to you ex.
Do you constantly find yourself doing a comparative analysis of your new flame to your old one? Whether it’s positive or negative, it means you may not be completely over your ex. “If everything in the present is being compared to the past, that’s a big sing you are not healed,” says Ashley Howe, couple and family therapist.
Make sure you’ve properly mourned and reflected upon your last relationship before moving on from the grief stage into the arms of someone new.
2. You still feel bitter about your ex.
Does the thought of how your last relationship ended still feel traumatizing? Once you can tell a well-rounded, thoughtful story that doesn’t focus on the horrible end, it’s a sign that you’re ready to move onto a new relationship. If you’re not ready, Howe recommends talking it out with friends to seek closure. “When you don’t have burning need to tell the story anymore, then it tells you that you’ve healed.”
3. You want to make your ex jealous.
Is part of the reason for starting up this new fling to make your ex jealous? If it feels like you’re putting on a show or trying to retaliate, it’s probably going to be a rebound. “A new relationship should never be payback,” says Howe.
4. You don’t know much about your new significant other.
Do you find it hard to recall details of your new partner’s life? “If you’re focused on how the person makes you feel and not the person themselves, that’s a sign it’s a complete rebound,” says Howe. If you enjoy the attention they give you, but haven’t really delved into who they are, it’s time to ask yourself if you really want to get to know them and whether you want to see if it could turn into something more.
5. He/she has the polar opposite personality of your ex.
Did you seek out someone totally different from your regular ‘type’? While it’s normal to look for a person with traits your ex lacked, it could be a sign that you’re trying to fill a void you felt in your last relationship. However, Howe says that if you’re honest and open with the new person in your life about what you’re looking for, there’s nothing wrong with dating someone you think is ‘just for now’. “A lot of relationships in life serve a purpose in time. It’s okay to try opposites, or people who are similar to you, so you can find out what you don’t want and what you do.”
5. You don’t act like yourself in your new relationship.
We’re you a bit needy after breaking up with your ex? Or were you just acting in a way you normally wouldn’t because you were looking to try something new and different)? If your current partner indulged your needs, it can be hard to change the dynamic under which your relationship started (i.e. them taking care of you or babying you, or your relationship was purely physical). However, if you start to feel like “the rebound” could turn into something long term, Howe recommends taking a moment to reflect upon the changes that need to happen and then having an honest conversation with your partner about how you would like things to be.