Things are only awkward if you make them awkward. Normal is a relative term. “What’s normal for the spider is chaos for the fly,” says Morticia Addams.
Lesbians are known for their incestuous circles of friends — filled with girls who have dated (sometimes long, sometimes short-term) or hooked up with one another. It’s common to head to a girl bar and see exes and bad decisions in the washroom lineup.
In my social sphere, this is the norm.
“Lesbians think friendship is another word for foreplay,” Alice explained in the first season of Showtime’s The L Word — the popular lesbian fictional drama that debuted in 2004. This statement couldn’t be more true — most of my best friends started off as love interests before we transitioned into the wonderful world of genuine, platonic friendship.
My roommate is an ex — we tried dating back in 2006 for several months. It didn’t work out. We didn’t fit together the way a romantic pairing should — and though we had an awkward breakup patch, we took some time apart and recovered. Once all the residual feelings were gone, we re-approached each other and started a healthy, adult friendship. Eventually, I was in need of a roommate and she was looking for a home — in a lick of good timing and fate, she moved in. We have been living with each other for almost three years now.
The secret to any genuine human connection is the combination of honesty and good communication. Things only get awkward when people fake it or they are misleading you. Though the truth can be shocking and initially uncomfortable, it is the basis for any honest situation — it’s real.
My two best friends are both girls I’ve flirted with the idea of dating when we first met six and seven years ago. Though I’ve shared kisses with both of these foxes, I value their friendships above all else and would do nothing to compromise that.
At the end of the day, we keep people in our lives for a reason. We generally gravitate towards people who are respectful, supportive, honest and genuine. Friendship is based on these core values and the notion of abandoning someone important to you just because of a bad decision made when we’ve indulged in one too many cocktails is ridiculous.
Relationships can be fickle and their fates may not always work out in the way we want them to — but though you may not be able to control the outcome of romantic connections, you have the ability to survive them and react to them in the best way.
Of course, not all connections last. Sometimes, letting go is the most viable option. It really depends on the kind of relationship you had and what your dynamic with that person was. If you were in an intense, passionate, all-consuming relationship with someone and you break up — it’s best you call it a day and move on.
But when you can, why not remain friends? I promise you, it is definitely possible.
