A “wannabe beau” took me out on a few dates to the movies and to a dance. He visited my house to pick me up on those occasions. Shortly after the “dates” he told me that it would not work. His reasoning? When we go out on Saturday nights and return late he would not be able to go to church on Sunday. I know that was not the reason but said I respected his wishes. (To tell you the truth, I was about to end things – too old fashioned for me). I found out later that he conferred with his good friend that I had not `showed him` around my house. His so -good friend said I must be hiding something. My question: Do I have to give everyone who step foot in my house a grand tour Did I miss the memo on that one. Shouldn’t be up to me whether or not I want to do that. Am I wrong in my thinking?
Congratulations! You’ve just been “dumped” by a “wannabe beau” who also sounds like a “wannabe downer”. His “gee-those-late-nights-mean-I-can’t-go-to-church-in-the-morning-and-by-the-way-you-didn’t-take-me-on-a-tour-of-your-house-so-you-must-be-hiding-something” story is pretty ridiculous. Do you have the time for these types of shenanigans? Of course you don’t! From what you tell, it seems like the greatest thing about this person is the fact that he saved you from having to have the uncomfortable breakup conversation by doing it first.
And for the record, you absolutely are not obliged to give everyone who steps into your house a grand tour. If that was some kind of etiquette rule, then every door-to-door-salesman, mailman and Jehovah’s Witness would have intimate knowledge of the contents of our fridges. And that would be weird.
I was curious to know if there was any specific reason that you didn’t want to show him around your house. Was there something specifically about him that made you feel uncomfortable with the idea of him your space? If so, that’s yet another reason to be happy he’s no longer in your life.
Or were you….you know…kind of….hiding something? This doesn’t mean that he was right, it just means that we all have nooks and crannies in our house that we don’t want our best friends (let alone virtual strangers) see. I’m the type of person who gets panicked if someone is visiting and asks to use my washroom (my inside dialogue sounds a little like this “Gah…did I leave a bra out? Is there toilet paper on the roll? Did I forget to flush the toilet?”).
If that resonates with you…it’s just worth recognizing that perhaps it’s part of the reason why you’re extra bothered now. I find that when someone says something to me that gets under my skin, sometimes it’s because they tapped into something true about me. This may or may not be true for you, but it might be worth thinking about in the event that there is something in your space that you are a bit sheepish about or don’t want someone you’re dating to see. If that’s the case you may want to get rid of or clean or change that thing before you start dating the next person because if all goes well, eventually you will want them to be comfortable wandering around in your home.
I wish you the best of luck in your dating adventures!