Miley Cyrus is today’s It Girl. I say today for the not-so-fleeting fact that she will be dethroned by some younger, attention-seeking popstar any day now.
Whether she’s flapping her tongue on stage at the VMAs, or licking a dirty sledghammer in her music video, everybody is speaking rather tirelessly of the recently controversial Miley Cyrus.
However, in the height of her career, Miley’s personal life has taken a mighty hit. She and fiancé Liam Hemsworth have split. And, to make matters worse, he’s been seen making out with Eiza Gonzales, a relatively unknown actress and singer, in public.
According to Life & Style, Liam recently moved out of their Toluca Lake home while Miley was promoting her forthcoming album, Bangerz, in Europe. An insider told the mag that “Liam had been begging Miley to announce the split all summer,” and to further distance himself from the crashing waves of Miley Mania, is thinking of moving back to Australia for a while.
At the iHeartRadio Festival in Las Vegas last week, Miley shed significant tears and was visibly shaken as she performed her new single, Wrecking Ball. The single is now rumoured to be a ballad about Miley’s crumbling relationship with the Aussie actor. It’s tough not to blame her outburst. Liam’s impatience was immature and completely unnecessary.
Then again, he’s probably sick of everyone talking about Miley and wanted some attention himself, so he chose to hang out with some actress whose name I’ve already forgotten. Hollywood types, am I right?
This brings me to the purpose of this piece: How long should one take to get over a breakup?
The most popular formula claims that for every year you dated, you take a month to mourn or work things out. But as we all know, matters of the heart follow no formula, yet we seek structure to determine what is “normal” or “common”.
Obviously, the length of time to get over an ex is determined by a number of factors: your personality, the length of the relationship, the degree of emotional bond, your support network, and how it ended, being just a few. Saying there is a set time to get over it all is just, well, silly.
(If you are still set on having a predetermined time to get over the relationship, use this ridiculous Heart Break Calculator.)
Here’s what I suggest: Instead of looking at the breakup as emotional mourning, try to see it as a way to work through things, so that you know better for next time. Every relationship is a learning experience and it’s important you see the value in what you’ve learned from each and every one. How are you to determine what satisfies you in your ideal relationship if you don’t have a range of experiences to take from?
For instance, perhaps you were too set in your ways. He wanted to go for walks with you and the dog, but RHONJ was on at that time, so you stayed in while he and the pooch spent some quality time together. In seeing little things such as these, you realize that for next time, maybe you should go on that walk with your guy—RHONJ can wait until you get back (PVR, people!).
While spending this time alone, allow yourself to experience this growth so next time, you will require less from a partner and therefore maintain a more solid relationship.
Of course you’re going to hurt from time to time, “your song” will play on your way to work from time to time and tears may well, but that’s completely normal. Just don’t pull a U-Turn to drive home and cry into the extra large pizza you just ordered while Theresa flips a table in traditional Real Housewives style.
Let’s stop saying we have to “get over” relationships. Start looking at this time as a way to develop, to do a little soul-searching. The damage has been done, so you can either wallow, or learn from it to benefit your future relationships. The choice is up to you, but I recommend the latter.