Hey, guys, want to bring the sexy back?
Have a baby.
You read that right: a baby. Not hair plugs. Not little blue pills. Not an online chat with “Nadia,” that hot “21-year-old Russian” who finds you irresistibly charming at $1.99 a minute. Nope, ramping up your sex appeal is as simple as becoming a dad, according to a new study. (And here we thought babies were a product of feeling sexy, not the cause of it.)
Reported in The Journal of Gender Studies (which we read only for the articles), the research indicates that men feel sexier when their first child arrives than when they were childless. Of course, as with all things related to sex for men, it’s mostly in their heads, the sociologists say: the guys perceive themselves to be more attractive than they were before (just as they can see David Beckham when they look in a mirror, no matter how thin the hair or how big the belly).
Whether it’s wishful thinking or reality doesn’t much matter. What’s important is that men can count on women to swoon over the result of yet another activity we enjoy – making babies — that requires minimal skill and hardly any of our time at all. Kinda like barbecuing.
Now, given all of the attention paid to male behaviour that affects society, it makes you wonder why researchers took so long to finally zero in on the critical issue of men feeling more attractive after childbirth. Perhaps they were sidetracked by trivial issues like violence and gender equity.
Regardless, the work is done, and we’re all the better for understanding what the sociologists are calling the “hidden benefit” of becoming a father. It puts a new twist on what men have believed for centuries: that babies are great wingmen. Take Junior out with you in public, the thinking (if you can call it that) goes, and you’ll need to keep your free arm open for all the ladies who will flock your way.
Well, that theory may be outdated. Baby isn’t the babe magnet, after all. Science says dads are. And you can’t question science. (Unless the researchers were high while writing their report and had Right Said Fred on their iPods singing about us being too sexy for our shirt, Milan, party, car, cat and hat.)
What you can question is whether there’s a woman alive who thinks these findings are fair.
Men do little for the nine months of pregnancy except strut, and are rewarded with a rush of sexiness when the little one arrives. Women do the hard labour (literally) and are rewarded with many things – stretch marks, fatigue, sleeplessness – but feeling sexy ain’t one of them.
Take heart, though, ladies. The research does say that the glow lasts only a short while for the guys, and then they rejoin you in the Too Tired to Even Think About Sex state of mind. Which lasts until the kid moves out.
Guess you can bring the sexy back, alright. But, baby, it takes a lot of work.