Don’t hate Ryan Gosling because he’s beautiful. Unleash your loathing because he’s also funny.
You see, according to a new study from that renowned laugh factory, the University of Stirling in the U.K., beautiful people like Gosling can tell killer “chicken crossing the road” jokes that will have us rolling on the floor with laughter (while many ladies, and more than a few gents, also dream of rolling on the floor with him).
It turns out, contrary to popular belief, that being attractive makes you seem funny, and not the other way around. It also means, according to highly scientific evolutionary theory, that you’re going to score like that silver-tongued devil Gene Simmons (well, OK, maybe he has that extended physical advantage too).
This is depressing news for the rest of us, for whom stabs at humour were our only hope of being romantically noticed for anything more than our extraordinary ordinary-ness. Our jokes may bring smiles (more often out of pity rather than amusement) and then, usually, dismissal; Gosling et al can drop a glib one-liner that will bring smiles and then lewd or marriage proposals (and often both).
Now, like any new theory, this one will be controversial. The believers will trot out examples like George Clooney, an admittedly handsome fellow with what is widely accepted to be a sharp wit. The non-believers will trot out examples like Louis C.K., or even Emo Phillips, neither of whom is likely to be on People’s Sexiest Man Alive List, even if they should ever be the last two of the male species on the planet, but both of whom have been known to generate a laugh or two.
Whichever side you are on — and Team George vs. Team Emo has all the hallmarks of the next Team Edward vs. Team Jacob debate, minus the passion, interest and T-shirts – know this: unless you are truly a stunner, you aren’t smart enough to figure it out anyway.
Because other studies tell us that the Beautiful People are more intelligent than the Appearance-Challenged. If you believe the dumb blonde stereotype, apparently, you aren’t the brightest puppy and therefore will have no shot with her.
And, not to really load it on, but science says the Beautiful have several other advantages over the Plain. They have a way better chance to hook up with other hotties. They have better-looking children. And they will continue to get more free drinks, better jobs, and fewer speeding tickets (being beautiful only on the inside doesn’t quite cut it with the men and women in blue).
The only solace we can take comes from another tidbit in the Stirling U. study, and that is the part where these laugh-trackers find that while attractive people come across as funny, it can be just a short-term affect. Translation: the ladies who swoon over Ryan Gosling’s humour are only under his spell for a short time (to which the majority of women respond, lustily: “Yeah, and your point is …?”)
Hate to admit it, but they don’t seem to care whether he is funny because he is hot, or hot because he is funny.
Above: Actor Ryan Gosling attends the Premiere of Columbia Pictures’ ‘The Ides Of March’ held at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ Samuel Goldwyn Theatre on September 27, 2011 in Beverly Hills, California.
Image credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images