Kimye invest in bomb-proof rides to keep baby safe

Kim and Kanye's baby will travel around Manhattan in cars that can withstand landmines and grenades.
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Warren L. Waterman, August 15, 2013 10:13:02 AM

The last time I checked, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West split their time between New York and Los Angeles, not Baghdad and Kabul. I must have missed news announcing the couple’s big move, because Kimye reportedly dropped somewhere between $1.5 and $2 million on bomb- and bullet-proof vehicles for their everyday driving needs recently, which means the couple must have decided to move to one of the world’s war-torn regions, right?

Wrong! The Daily Star claims that the couple will be be ferried about in their new military-grade rides through the streets of NYC and LA, and they picked up the pair of armoured cars on the advice of Kanye’s friend Jay Z.

Kanye’s new wheels are similar to the vehicle that, get this, the President of the United States of America travels in—a limo with a Chevrolet Kodiak truck chassis and a Cadillac DTS body. Meanwhile, Kim will roll around town (to the cleaners, the nail salon, and Whole Foods, I’m sure, because celebs really are just like us) in a Dartz Prombron Iron Diamond. The Latvian auto company makes a ladies only version, popular in Russia and Kazakhstan—the SUV can hold its own against landmines and rocket launchers, and it has only three doors, supposedly to deter kidnappings.

A generous Kanye reportedly spent $800,000 US on customizing Kim’s car (though he didn’t go for the whale foreskin upholstery—an actual option available for your Iron Diamond).

The newly beefed-up security measures were installed to protect newborn North West, but while most parents baby-proof their homes, Kim and Kanye are focused on bullet-proofing their baby. The reality star and the rapper will be escorted everywhere by two bodyguards each and the couple is said to be looking at the option of having a squad of body doubles carrying baby dolls on standby to act as decoys when needed.

“Kanye is fully aware that his new family is so high-profile they attract the attention of weirdos and psychopaths. He aims to leave nothing to chance,” one source told The Daily Star, leaving me with he faint hope that he’ll insist on cancelling Keeping up with the Kardashians. You know, for the good of the baby.

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Warren L. Waterman

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