Mother of the Millennium (as voted by the Ninth Circle of Hell Foundation) Dina Lohan has one wish and it’s not her own hard liquor soda fountain. (Do they have a hard liquor soda fountain? They need to get on this.)
No. In a recent interview with Extra, the “most misunderstood mom in America” (her actual words) admitted she just wants Lindsay to hurry up and procreate so she can spend her time babysitting instead of justifying the Lohan family’s delusional behaviour though a constant string of attention-grabbing interviews.
The latest interview in the continual loop happened to coincide with the promotion of her new book, “A Parent Trapped,” which is a Lohanian stream of delusion and foolery, only in written form. In the book, she paints herself as the victim of a tyrannical husband.
“I don’t really want to speak about that on camera, but I’ve been a single mom my whole life. I’ve had sole custody and my other three have had no relationship with him… Yes, I feel like I’m the victim of domestic violence for years, so if I can save a life or change a life. I want it to be a helpful book. I’m always hopeful things will get better and slowly, but surely hopefully they are,” she told host Mario Lopez.
Michael Lohan is the lint that gets stuck between the cracks of your dryer and never, ever comes out no matter how hard you try to get at it, so Dina doesn’t have to stretch too far to make him look like a creep.
But you’re unlikely to find any references to her own questionable parenting choices, like partying with her troubled, substance-addicted daughter until the wee hours, enabling her entitled behaviour, using her troubled children as a platform for her own fame and helping Lindsay burn through the old child star funds instead of encouraging her to save or invest it for a time when they can’t afford Fudgy the Whale bars.
Now that Lindsay’s finally run the comeback train off the tracks for good, however, Dina knows she needs to look to the next generation for continuity. Hence, when Lopez asked if he wanted to see Lindsay married and with child, Dina replied: “Yes! I just want to babysit.” ‘Babysit what?’ is the question that never gets answered. If the answer is an actual child this is probably not a good idea.