At the beginning of Thursday’s Vampire Diaries episode, I could only think of one thing: why the hell hasn’t Damon killed Atticus yet? Yes, he knows the location of the cure, but he’s an admitted liar, backstabber and all-around shady. You know trusting him will lead to no good.
Four minutes in and we’re given topless Jeremy. Julie Plec, thank you for catering to my inner TV perv. You are a goddess and I love you. Now, if you could just release Klaus from Elena’s living room, we’ll be good.
“Into the Wild” treated us with some flashbacks of Atticus’s first time in the cave above the cave where the cure was being held. Apparently, the island where the cave was had some weird powers and a donation of your blood down a well would let you see your departed loved ones again. Honestly, who cares. As a fan of TVD, I’ve had enough of how much screen time Professor Shane has been getting over Caroline.
Here’s the thing about this cure: I have a feeling that A) there’s no cure or B) if there is a cure, there’s only enough for one dose. We all know that Elena won’t take it (and Damon won’t let her), Klaus won’t let it get near him and Bonnie’s mom is irrelevant. I predict Rebekah will steal it, take it and ride off into the sunset. Even better, I think this field trip they’ve all gone on can only be described accurately by General Akbar: “IT’S A TRAP!” I firmly believe this Hatchet dude stalking them is playing for Team Atticus and Kansas City shuffling the hell out of these goons long enough for Atticus to get what he needs to release Silas.
On the bright side, we finally got some Caroline! Why the hell would you bite her, Klaus? I thought you looooooved her! On Thursday, Joseph Morgan tweeted, “Tonight’s episode of #TVD has one of Klaus’ most interesting arcs so far, I think you guys are REALLY going to love it! Enjoy sweethearts ” Was this the interesting part? Sending my beloved Caroline to the grave? Alas, it seems Klaus’s love runs pure and he saved his dear Caroline from dying. Is it wrong that I want the The Originals backdoor pilot to fail so I can get more Klausoline?
Turns out Atticus has never actually seen where Silas and the cure are. (See people … LIAR!) His dead witch wife told him the location. And he was suffering from massive blood loss at the time. Oh, and he’s a liar! How are we supposed to believe a word you he says? When I saw we, I mean me, because the Mystic Falls Morons are gulping down the Atticus Kool-Aid without inquiring as to why there’s a funny taste.
Jason Crisp, I’m getting sick of this Elena and Damon lovefest. I honestly can’t take it anymore. Mainly because of whiny Elena. She was pissed that Stefan brought Rebekah on their Hunger Games excursion, but why should she care? You picked her Salvatore brother — don’t be hating when the one you dumped decides to move on! Geez, Elena! Let a dead brotha move on!
Anyhoo, Atticus struck again when he tricked the Mystic Fall Morons (again). I was right; it was a trap to get all the key players into the same place so that he could swipe Jeremy, Bonnie and the tombstone, leaving Elena, Damon and Rebekah in a tent scratching their heads on how they got had. As for Damon, Atticus knew he was immune to the Kool-Aid and would sniff out this farce, so he got into his head and got him and Elena to fight. Damon announced that he would never take the cure to be human with Elena, meaning we’re stuck with Vampire Elena. I told you, b—- ain’t taking that cure!
In the end, while Bonnie realized that she got had once again, Damon got his neck snapped by another hunter; one of the Five. But what does that mean? I’m thinking the Five have a map to the cure as a means of protecting the location of Silas and this supposed cure. By that I mean, I think there’s no cure. All this information we have on Silas is from fibbing Atticus and his dead wife, who was conjured up by his tainted blood. I think that ghost of his wife that he saw was a trick played by Silas. I’m guessing Silas could magically see Atticus’s memories through his blood and used the image of his dead wife and the promise to bring her back from the dead to get Atticus to do his bidding. When Atticus realizes that his wife won’t actually “Thriller” her butt from the beyond, maybe then Damon can kill him once and for all.
A girl can dream.
What did you think of this episode? Where the heck are April and Matt? Why isn’t Atticus dead yet? When will they be giving out boarding passes to hop on the USS Klausoline? How have these idiots not realized that Atticus was playing all of them? Will TVD ever cast a character named Alexis so Klaus can say my name with his lusty, lispy lips? Comment below. Or hit up TV Guide Canada on Facebook or Twitter.
The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET on The CW and 9 p.m. ET on CTV Two.