The 2013 Primetime Emmy Awards aired on CBS and CTV Sunday night. Naturally, TV Guide Canada was glued to the small screen. Here’s a tribute to the extended In Memoriam segment of an evening, including recaps of the pleasant surprises (HOST EVERYTHING, AMY AND TINA!) and, well, everything else.
BEST HIGHJACKER/S OF THE AWFUL NEIL PATRICK HARRIS OPENING: Obviously should-be hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. They ate popcorn and wore those terrible 3D glasses and their whole gag was themed around NPH taking his pants off. “It might be degrading, but we would be de-grateful!” my spirit animal Amy Poehler quipped.
Oh, and they definitely rolled onto the stage. (See: photo above.)
SECOND BEST HIGHJACKER OF THE AWFUL NEIL PATRICK HARRIS OPENING: Kevin Spacey, who did a hammy homage to his House of Cards character and his love of Ferris Bueller-ing (read: speaking directly to the camera).
WE’RE LOVIN’ (MERRI)TT: Accepting the Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy trophy, Nurse Jackie’s Merritt Wever roasted the whole concept of acceptance speeches, simply saying “Thanks you. Thanks so much. Thank you so much. I’ve got to go. Byeeeeee!”
AND NOW FOR AN UNLIMITED JUICE BREAK! Just taking a moment to note that Tony Hale — a.k.a Buster Bluth — won a Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy award for Veep. It’s about time Gary got a win! Speaking of which …
AND THIS YEAR IN BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY WINNER GAGS…: Hot off his own win, Hale followed Outstanding Actress in a Comedy winner and co-star Julia Louis-Dreyfus on stage and pretended to feed her an acceptance speech, just as his character does to hers on Veep. That’s gold, Gary! Gold!
CBS FALL PROMO BS: While presenting the Outstanding Actor/Actress in a Comedy awards, Will Arnett and Margo Martindale were tasked with giving a painful monologue about not using the Emmys to promote their new sitcom The Millers.
AWWWWW IN THE FAMILY: Near the end of the first hour, Rob Reiner came on stage to honour late All in the Family co-star Jean Stapleton. His speech was simple, but lovely, and definitely had us clamouring for Kleenex:”You had no right to leave me that way without giving me one more chance to say I love you.”
ELTON MEETS EMMY: Elton John offered a slightly different In Memoriam moment with his musical and sartorial tribute (don’t let the sun go down on sparklieeeeeeeeeees!) to Behind the Candelabra inspiration Liberace. His performance was just OK, but his intro, during which he totally filleted what the Emmy producers wrote for him, was ab fab. “What I was not aware of was his lifestyle,” Elton said of Liberace, before snickering, “Yeah, right.”
LEGIT LEGENDARY NPH MOMENT: The EHD (Excessive Hosting Disorder) PSA, which served as both a great throw to How I Met Your Mother’s intervention tradition (Ted Mosby even got in a pun — “The symptoms of EHD manifest in a HOST of ways!”) and segue into the token Ryan Seacrest joke of the night (“This message was brought to you by the Ryan Seacrest Centre for Excessive Hosting”).
Honourable mention DOESN’T go to the midshow musical number featuring Castle‘s Nathan Fillion and The Sarah Silveman Program‘s Sarah Silverman.
THE CORY MONTEITH MOMENT: Jane Lynch remained strangely composed while speaking about the Glee star, who died back in July, for the cameras and the fans. She didn’t shy away from mentioning Monteith’s controversial cause of death either. ”Tonight we remember Cory for all he was and mourn the loss of what could have been,” she said. (Don’t be surprised if that also serves as the logline for the Glee tribute episode.)
AND THE JAMES GANDOLFINI ONE: “You all knew James Gandolfini, the actor. I was lucky enough to know Jim, the man … It’s Jim the man, the very dear man, that I will miss most of all.” We don’t know how Edie Falco kept it together during her genuine, original and moving speech in honour of her Sopranos hubby. Cause our heart was basically taken out for a “drive.”
TOKEN (BREAKING) BAD JOKE: The fact that neither Aaron Paul nor Bryan Cranston won awards, while Numb and Number — Bobby Cannavale and Jeff Daniels — did. Oh, and that Breaking Bad-themed dance segment. (Thank baby Jesus the show at least won Outstanding Drama.)
LET’S GIVE MICHAEL DOUGLAS A, UH, HAND: “This was a two hander, and Matt, you’re only as good as your other hand.” – Outstanding Actor in a Miniseries or Movie Douglas to his Behind the Candelabra co-lead Matt Damon
NPH SPEAKS FOR EVERY TV CRITIC: “There’s too many shows! I’m never going to finish!” – NPH during the lame opening, which had him sitting in a CGI-fied room full of TVs showing clips from every TV show from this year
NPH SPEAKS FOR EVERY EMMYS WATCHER: “This just in: Nobody in America is winning their Emmys office pool.”
SPACEY ACTS FOR EVERYONE: *Swats at camera and mouths “Get out!”*
WHERE THERE’S A WILL (FERRELL), THERE’S A WAY FUNNIER SHOW: Yes, Ferrell showed up to present the final awards of the night, and totally blew NPH and every other aspect of the 2013 Emmys out of the water. And he was dressed in an eagle t-shirt and shorts. (The joke was, they asked him at the last minute and he couldn’t find a babysitter.) #WillFerrellForEmmys2014, anyone?
Thank you. Thanks so much. Thank you so much. We’ve gotta go. Byeeeeeeee.
Thoughts? Sound off below. And be sure to check out TV Guide Canada‘s Fall Preview here.