Ah, the start of a new school year. Forms to sign, nerves to calm, teachers to meet, lunches to pack, alarms to set, and – oh, joy – plenty of homework to get through. But wait, there’s more! To celebrate the most studious of seasons, we’ve compiled a list of 10 awesome things your kids will likely bring home this year, all of which are way, way worse than homework. Did you think you had this back-to-school thing under control? Yeah…not so much. You’re welcome.
10 things your kids will bring home from school that are worse than homework
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LICE
Head lice, pinworms and fungi, oh my! Children are gross, and it’s unlikely that you’ll escape having kids in grade school without succumbing to at least a few bouts of creepy crawlies. The good news? Most icky stuff is easily treatable, although lice is apparently getting more resistant to medication. Grrrrrreat.Shutterstock
ANNOYING NEW PALS
Far be it from us to suggest that your kids shouldn’t make friends at school, but let’s face it: some of their newfound pals will just plain get on your nerves. Eating you out of house and home? Not listening? Backtalk? Drawing on the walls? Been there. Shutterstock
COLOURFUL LANGUAGE
Whether you’re laissez-faire about swearing or have a strict no-profanity rule in your household, there’s a good chance that sooner or later, your kids will come home rocking some contentious new vocabulary. Take a deep breath and put down the soap bar – some scientists actually suggest that teaching kids to swear is a good thing.Shutterstock
EYEBROW-RAISING URLS
Inappropriate websites, ads, videos and memes – they’ll all be news to your (previously) innocent kiddo, whose peers will no doubt turn them onto plenty of questionable content this year. Fair warning: kids without older siblings won’t know what hit them. Shutterstock
BAD-ITTUDE
If your formerly polite, sweet, enthusiastic child suddenly develops a major case of the I-don’t-wannas, we’re guessing they’ve picked up some fun new ideas about how to behave from their peers at school. Dang other people’s children!Shutterstock
VIRUSES AND GENERAL CONTAGION
Sore throat? Sniffles? Inexplicable fatigue? There’s a good chance that you’ll succumb to at least a few colds, coughs and viruses this school year. Vitamin C, plenty of rest and hand washing help, but kids’ lack of awareness re: infection prevention guarantees that you’ll get hit with some doozies.Shutterstock
NEWFOUND DESIRE FOR THE NEXT BIG THING
Remember fidget spinners? Sneakers with light-up soles? DIY slime? If you’ve had a child come home coveting stuff they had no idea they “needed” before, welcome to the club. Also not surprising to us: materialism accelerates as kids hit middle school.Shutterstock
EARWORMS
The internet has given us many gifts, but we don’t count The Duck Song or It’s Raining Tacos among them. Cringe-inducing, horrifyingly catchy YouTube songs and videos go viral for a reason, but definitely seem explicitly designed to drive parents crazy. Snag two sets of headphones – one for the kid, and one for you to tune ‘em out.Shutterstock
LAST-MINUTE REQUESTS
It’s Thursday night, the kids are in bed and you’ve settled in with a good book when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. “Mom?” a child whispers. “I forgot. I said you’d make two dozen cupcakes for the bake sale...tomorrow at noon.” Cue heart palpitations, followed by an 11pm trip to the only open supermarket in town. Thanks, kid.Shutterstock
NOTHING AT ALL
If you think a backpack full of homework is stress-inducing, consider its opposite: a totally empty bag. Where did lunch go? Water bottle? Important papers? The indoor shoes? Queries regarding missing contents will be met with a blank stare; chances are they’ve been sucked into the Lost and Found vortex. Shutterstock
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