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“Straight white boy texting syndrome” has become something of a phenomenon in the past few weeks, thanks in great part to Straight White Boys Texting, a Tumblr site, and a number of viral threads on websites such as Reddit; where ladies feverishly post hundreds of horny hogs’ feeble attempts at wham-bam intimacy. Below are some of the best (but really the worst) examples I’ve stumbled on through various sites and blogs. Just make me one promise prior to scrolling: do not swear yourself off men forever; we aren’t all so bad.