If you’re Canadian, there are certain facts about winter that you know to be true: Namely, that the forecast means nothing without the wind chill factor; and that long underwear can be hella sexy (hello, hello and hello!). But you also know that winter isn’t all about sexy skivvies and weather know-how. It can be downright brutal. Here are 12 winter frustrations that, like a true Canadian, you’re proud of and kind of sorry about all at once.
1. That thing when the air hits your face
And you feel its chilly lashings enter every single pore.
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2. Needing a separate layer of clothing for each part of the day
One layer of outerwear to block the wind and another to insulate you from the cold; one indoor layer for work and shopping and a lighter one for when your landlord cranks the heat; and one layer of stay-put underwear, because if you get a wedgie, there’s no hope of retrieving it through all those layers.
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3. Trying to sleep in a room that is simultaneously hot and cold
The heat is cranked (thanks, Mr. Roper), and the window is open. You’re sweating and shivering in equal measure. There are never enough blankets and, yet, there are always too many blankets! Such is the plight of the Canadian renter.
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4. Breaking into your own car
Because your stupid frozen key won’t fit in your stupid frozen lock. “It’s my car, I swear, officer!”
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5. One word: snot-cicles
Ugh. They don’t work as a “fun wintry accessory” and they actually hurt sometimes. Liam Neeson gets it.
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6. Cold days in cold arenas
Because obsessing over warm, indoor sports is for the weak.
7. That one really warm day in March when you get irrationally optimistic and put on a T-shirt
And you know it’s stupid and you’ll catch a cold but you do it anyway, because YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US, WINTER!
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8. Discovering a hole in your boot
Which you are certain was not there when you left the house in the morning. Why is it there now? And why is everything going wrong? What did you do to hurt that puddle? Winter sucks.
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9. When a car splashes grimy, grey slush all over you
And soaks all 17 layers. Even your sexy long underwear.
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10. Seeing your breath EVERYWHERE
And no, it’s not because you see dead people (which, let’s face it, would be a pretty cool party trick, amirite, HaJo?). It’s because nowhere is ever as warm as you’d like.
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11. When your body won’t leave your bed
And why should it want to? It’s where all the warmth seems to be. Getting out means putting on every layer of clothing in your life, getting wet and cold, and having people cough and sneeze on you.
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12. Deliberately burning your tongue just to feel something again
Because you’d do just about anything to feel anything again – even ruin your mouth for the rest of the day.
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