Parenting ain’t easy. Sometimes picky eaters, chronic misbehavers, and but-I-don’t-want-to-go-to-sleep-ers drive rational, reasonable moms and dads to resort to child rearing techniques not currently recommended by today’s top parenting experts. We turned to Reddit to dig up some of the funniest, most creative, and sometimes sweetest fibs and tales that parents have concocted to get their kids to cooperate. If you’re feeling guilty about passing off everything from tofu to scallops as “chicken” remember that there are hardworking, overtired parents out there who’ve sold their kids on far more fantastical ideas — sometimes just for kicks.
13 brilliant white lies parents pull on their kids
My mom, the Math-a-magician"I used to just spew out random numbers to my mom, telling her to add, subtract, multiply, etc. She'd then tell me what the final number would be. Blew my mind! She was the damn smartest person on the planet. Then I got clever. One day I got a calculator out to make sure she had it right. She didn't." Thinkstock
Reddit user trafficrush.
My dad, the Poop Wizard"My dad used to call me into the bathroom to look at his poop. I was always shocked... it looked like little stars and perfect circles and even dog bones. I couldn't figure out why mine always looked stupid. Turns out he was throwing dog food into the toilet and waiting for it to bloat up before calling me in." Thinkstock
Reddit user timothygruich.
Workin' for the weekend"A relative of mine tells her kid that if she behaves well at school for 5 days in a row, she can have two days off school. The kid has no idea that's the weekend." Thinkstock
Reddit user bryson430.
Even monsters don't like Drakkar Noir"The 'Monster Juice' that my mom would spray around my room to keep the monsters out, was actually just water with a large amount of my Dad's cologne sprayed into it." Thinkstock
Reddit user telekinetic_turtle.
Mmm, lasagna mushrooms"I don't like mushrooms. When my mom used to make lasagna I'd notice mushrooms in it and immediately refuse to continue eating it. Even though I couldn't necessarily taste them. She told me it was OK because they're 'lasagna mushrooms.' Fast forward 5 years, I'm at a restaurant and ordering something with mushrooms in it. Sure enough I say 'can you make sure those are lasagna mushrooms?' My parents died of laughing." Thinkstock
Reddit user slohomo.
Extreme ventriloquism"When I was a kid we had a pet bird and he could talk. For years I recalled with great fondness talking to Bart and Bart answering back. Not too long ago I asked my dad what type of bird Bart was. Surely he was some form of parrot? My dad then broke the news that Bart never talked. He would stand not far off in the other room or a few steps behind me and talk for the bird. You don't know how many people I've told about Bart the talking bird." Thinkstock
Reddit user militarytime.
The old syrup switcheroo"When I was young my parents brought home this very fancy maple syrup and I fell in love with it. We used it a few times, and then they told me it had ran out so we were using a normal version... Apparently I threw a temper tantrum. Today we made waffles while I'm visiting home for a week and my mom mentioned how she would just put Aunt Jemima back into the fancy maple syrup bottle and how I'd always say something like 'See mom? I can taste the difference.'" Thinkstock
Reddit user cyberslick188.
Broke but awesome"When I was 3 or 4, I got a toy telephone car thing. I played with it all day and I didn't even question the fact that my mom didn't let me take it out of the box. Three days later, I couldn't find it anywhere. My mom told me they had to return it to the store because it was infested with ants. Being a kid I didn't think much of it and I just went back to watching TV. A few years ago, my mom told me what really happened. My family had just come over to the US from Nepal and barely had any money. It turns out that my parents couldn't actually afford presents for my birthday, but they wanted me to at least have something to play with, even for a little while." Thinkstock
Reddit user ClockwiseWitness.
The battery monster"We had a battery monster that came during the night and stole the batteries from the loudest toys. We could only play with the loudest ones now and then because he might hear. That bastard heard every time..." Thinkstock
Reddit user CherrySueDointheDo.
What are you feeding that cat?"When I was young I used to chase the cat around the house. I never intended to scare it, I was just being a kid. After a while my mom got annoyed and took us to the zoo. She colluded with staff and convinced me the cat was going to grow up to be like the lions we were looking at. And it was going to happen overnight. I can't count how many times I was in bed and my parents would scratch the doors with their nails instilling fear into me. I've never chased another cat." Thinkstock
Reddit user KeepCalmMakeCoffee.
When was colour invented?"My mom and I would watch older movies together. A majority of them would be black and white. I would ask my mom probably once a movie, 'When was colour invented?' She would always let me know that it was invented when I was born. I bought that for waaaaay too long." Fox
Reddit user quaite.
If I could turn back time..."My mom used to turn the clocks forward when I had sleepovers at her house... She'd run in to change the clock from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm while we were distracted. We'd be amazed at how fast time had gone. We would stay up 'really late' and then fall asleep, confident in our coolness. She actually got to go to sleep at a decent hour without making us all shut up six times in the middle of the night." Thinkstock
Reddit user NotAnAverageTaunTaun.
From car seat to ejector seat"When I was six, I loved James Bond so my mom and my sister convinced me that the cruise control button in our old Land Rover was actually a button for the Ejector Seat — which happened to be wherever I was sitting. My sister would poke at the button as I would yell and scream. Eventually they sat me down in the car and told me it wasn't true. I said, 'Do you really expect me to believe that?' My mom stared at me for a second and said, 'No Mr.Bond, I expect you to fly!' Then she punched the button and I cried buckets in my stationary seat." United Artists
Reddit user iBananus.