Can we Blue Steel your attention to talk about something serious for a moment? You know what’s still so hot right now (other than, of course, Hansel)? Zoolander.
There are a couple of reasons it’s hard not to think about Derek Zoolander and his ventures into modelling and schools for kids who can’t read good right this second. First off, last week marked the 13th anniversary of the release of the Ben Stiller comedy about the dark side of the male model game. And more importantly, Will Ferrell recently revealed that the sequel is definitely in the making, and more importantly, he (and his character, corrupt fashion mogul Mugatu) will be in it.
Some of us, however, aren’t just thinking about Zoolander right now, but have had it and its numerous ridiculously good-looking quotes on the brain since its birth in 2001. And so, join us in counting down the 13 ways you can tell if you’re still as into Zoolander as he was, and probably still is, himself.
1. You can’t go to Starbucks without wanting to yell, “ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!”
2. And when you actually do yell “ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!” and no one responds by putting on “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” and gesturing for you to jump into a Jeep, you act as though you are Mugatu and someone just gave you a foamy latte.
3. You always say that you’ve saved something *in* the computer (as opposed to *on*) in hopes that someone will react as Derek and Hansel did when they went looking for files.
4. You are that person who laughs when the priest says someone is going to come up and do a “eulogy” (not a “eugoogoogly”) at a funeral.
5. You can’t hear the word “mermaid” without reminding everyone that some individuals identify as a “merman” instead.
6. Every single time you get sick, you’re convinced you’ve got “the black lung” and aren’t afraid to tell everyone about it.
7. You can’t look at a bottle, can, case or ad for Diet Coke without wanting to dump it on your head in a totally fabulous fashion.
8. When someone starts getting philosophical on you, you respond with this eternal question:
9. You get legitimately angry when you ask your reflection a question and it doesn’t answer back apathetically.
10. Forget condoms or fancy ice cream bars. To you, Magnum is this and only this:
11. Yes, yes, he’s done some great other work like writing awesome songs and stuff, but in your mind, David Bowie’s only job is to play a dance-off judge in warehouses.
12. When someone says they don’t like Zoolander, the man or the movie, you put the onus on some form of medicated non-bliss.
13. You respond to anyone’s assertion that you “REALLY DO LOVE ZOOLANDER” with the exact same smile as Derek put on while sitting at the VH1 awards.