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If there’s one thing Taylor Swift is known for (other than calling out famous men in her songs), it’s disappearing for long periods of time and then jumping back into the fray (and our hearts) like Chrissy Teigen on a baking day (that is, with A LOT of content). This month, she’s gracing the cover of ELLE and not only did she pen an essay about her music for sister publication ELLE UK, she’s now released a second personal piece about all she’s learned in her 29 years on this earth.

Entitled “30 things I learned before turning 30,” Swift gives sage advice about life, love, social media, cooking and bleaching your hair (put simply: don’t do it). If you want some good life advice, read the piece; if you want all the hot goss she revealed while giving life advice, read below.

Here are 13 things (Tay-Tay’s favourite number, obvi) we learned from the 30 things Taylor Swift has learned:

1. She turned off Instagram comments to “lessen this weird insecurity laser beam”

“Yes, I keep comments off on my posts. That way, I’m showing my friends and fans updates on my life, but I’m training my brain to not need the validation of someone telling me I look 🔥🔥🔥.”

“I think it’s healthy for your self-esteem to need less internet praise to appease it, especially when three comments down you could unwittingly see someone telling you that you look like a weasel that got hit by a truck and stitched back together by a drunk taxidermist. An actual comment I received once.”

2. She learned to LOL at the 🐍 stuff

“A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I’ve ever felt in my life, but I can’t tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It’s the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a troll’s hateful Instagram comment with ‘lol.’”

But it’s also a part of her brand? When explaining her philosophy about standing up for herself she said:

“Grow a backbone, trust your gut, and know when to strike back. Be like a snake—only bite if someone steps on you.”

Okay.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

🐍😊 @gettyentertainment

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

3. She loves Jameela Jamil

“I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body. I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy… I work on accepting my body every day.”

“I’ve been loving how outspoken Jameela Jamil has been on this subject. Reading her words feels like hearing a voice of reason amongst all these loud messages out there telling women we’re supposed to defy gravity, time, and everything natural in order to achieve this bizarre goal of everlasting youth that isn’t even remotely required of men.”

4. She was “terrified” to go on tour after the Manchester and Las Vegas attacks

“After the Manchester Arena bombing and the Vegas concert shooting, I was completely terrified to go on tour this time because I didn’t know how we were going to keep 3 million fans safe over seven months. There was a tremendous amount of planning, expense, and effort put into keeping my fans safe.”

5. She’s legitimately scared of stalkers (duh)

“My fear of violence has continued into my personal life. I carry QuikClot army grade bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I’ve ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things.”

6. She’s a mean (if not very fruity) bartender

“I learned how to make some easy cocktails like Pimm’s cups, Aperol spritzes, Old-Fashioneds, and Mojitos because…2016.”

7. Her "weird flex"

Taylor shared she enjoys cooking, especially “Ina Garten’s Real Meatballs and Spaghetti… Nigella Lawson’s Mughlai Chicken, and Jamie Oliver’s Chicken Fajitas with Molé Sauce” and then gave us this little tidbit:

“Getting a garlic crusher is a whole game changer. I also learned how to immediately calculate Celsius to Fahrenheit in my head. (Which is what I’m pretty sure the internet would call a ‘weird flex.’)”

Cool.

8. She understands the “Girl Squad” criticism

Back in 2015-2017, Taylor’s “Girl Squad” was a pretty big deal (see: “Bad Blood” music video). Consisting of notable famous ladies like Gigi Hadid, Karlie Kloss, Cara Delevingne, Blake Lively and Selena Gomez, she got a lot of criticism for the exclusivity, elitism and lack of diversity in the group. She addressed those years in her essay.

“Never being popular as a kid was always an insecurity for me... In my twenties I found myself surrounded by girls who wanted to be my friend. So I shouted it from the rooftops, posted pictures, and celebrated my newfound acceptance into a sisterhood, without realizing that other people might still feel the way I did when I felt so alone.”

9. She regrets “Bleachella”

Back in 2016, Taylor tried out a new bleach blonde look under the advisement of Vogue editor Anna Wintour. For a few months she sported a peroxide bob (including over Coachella) and Taylor admits it wasn’t a great look.

“Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.”

Taylor Swift Met Gala 2016

10. She got real about her parents’ cancer

“I’ve had to learn how to handle serious illness in my family. Both of my parents have had cancer, and my mom is now fighting her battle with it again. It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem. I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now.”

11. She can appreciate free things like the rest of us

In talking about her countdown apps (which are a godsend to all of us TBH), Tay made sure to mention that most of those babies are FREE.

“I make countdowns for things I’m excited about. When I’ve gone through dark, low times, I’ve always found a tiny bit of relief and hope in getting a countdown app (they’re free) and adding things I’m looking forward to. Even if they’re not big holidays or anything, it’s good to look toward the future.”

Preach!

12. Swift 2028?

Since Taylor Swift getting political ahead of the U.S. midterms was a huge factor in young voter registration, it’s not too much of a stretch that she’s going to get more involved in politics in the future. She shared some of her thoughts on the matter:

“I’m finding my voice in terms of politics. I took a lot of time educating myself on the political system and the branches of government that are signing off on bills that affect our day-to-day life. I saw so many issues that put our most vulnerable citizens at risk, and felt like I had to speak up to try and help make a change. Only as someone approaching 30 did I feel informed enough to speak about it to my 114 million followers. Invoking racism and provoking fear through thinly veiled messaging is not what I want from our leaders, and I realized that it actually is my responsibility to use my influence against that disgusting rhetoric. I’m going to do more to help. We have a big race coming up next year.”

Swift won't be old enough to run in 2020 or 2024, but is there a 2028 run in the cards?

13. Her new straight hair look is actually natural!

I learned that your hair can completely change texture. From birth, I had the curliest hair and now it is STRAIGHT. It’s the straight hair I wished for every day in junior high. But just as I was coming to terms with loving my curls, they’ve left me. Please pray for their safe return.”

Taylor Swift 2006

We are, Taylor, we are.