These days, it seems impossible not to know who the likes of Adnan Syed, Robert Durst and Steven Avery are. After all, these true crime stories have practically blown up our television sets as of late. (Okay sure, Syed was the subject of a podcast, but there is a TV deal in development.)
Watching these stories unfold and casually talking about them at the water cooler is one thing… obsessing about them continuously to the point where they’ve taken over your life is another. Because we’ve definitely fallen into this trap ourselves, here are some telltale signs that you’ve also found yourself in the latter camp.
1. You constantly troll Reddit for new theories
What’s that? A new thread discussing how Avery supposedly talked about constructing a torture room after he got out of jail? A complete breakdown of Asia’s testimony in the Syed case and how a little old snow could discredit it? A guideline of all the times authorities mucked up in bringing justice to the families of Durst’s victims? Yeah, you’ve read all of them and then some. Next!
2. This is how you’d rather spend your Thursday through Saturday nights
Why’s that? Because that’s when all the episodes of Investigation Discovery and Dateline are on, naturally. You never know when there will be an update on your latest obsession. Or when you might make that next great true crime discovery. And we all know it’s best to be ahead of the game to make sure no one misses any pertinent details.
3. You have your own collection of court documents
What? They’re public record. Any good investigator would get to the real truth, after all.
4. Somehow you think you’ve missed your calling as an investigator
Luckily you’ve signed up for The Psychology of Criminal Behaviour class at Athabasca U to keep you satisfied with your day job.
5. You know the names of all of Robert Durst’s family members
And his relationship to each of them, how he shunned them, and their precise thoughts on the former mogul’s involvement in all those deaths. Ditto for Steven Avery.
6. You have several texting or Facebook conversations going on with fellow junkies at any given time
Even though you keep discussing the same theories over and over, it’s just really good to have people to bounce all those thoughts off of. Bonus points for friends who point you in the direction of something new.
7. You’ve actually lost sleep wondering what would happen if you were falsely accused of murder
The justice system has failed us all.
8. You’ve also started keeping a journal of all your happenings, just in case.
Well how else are you supposed to remember where you went that day or who you talked to? Alibis are only useful if you can remember them, people.
9. Serialized dramas no longer feel the same
Sorry The Good Wife, but we now know that going to court and resolving a huge case takes a lot longer than one episode. You’ve kind of been ruined for us in a way.
10. But you fell back in love with Law & Order: SVU after its Robert Durst episode
No one takes on true crime stories like Benson. #Amirite?
11. You’ve watched All Good Things about seven times after finishing The Jinx
If that’s what got Durst so obsessed with telling his story, we need to get it too.
12. You’ve even started tuning people out with other crime podcasts
Sure, Serial 2 just wasn’t the same, and the new updates from Syed’s trial aren’t long enough to satiate your ever-growing need for more, more, more! But there’s still so much out there and you can’t seem to get it fast enough.
13. You may have signed a petition or two
Even if you haven’t gone so far as to put your name down on the piece of paper calling for a certain someone’s case to be blown back open, you sure as hell thought about it. Several times.
14. You’ve been told more than once that you’re addicted
Heck, you even check off most of the signs listed here. But at the end of the day you can’t stop yourself, and really why should you? There are worse things in the world to rot your brain on than documentaries… right?
Investigation Discovery’s Steven Avery: Innocent or Guilty? airs on Discovery Chanel, Wednesday March 9th at 8pm.