A lot of time, energy, thought and money goes into buying gifts. A lot. So when it comes to purchasing gifts for children, adults love finding presents that they know the child will enjoy. But sometimes these gifts come at the expense of the parent’s sanity.
We’re not saying these toys are bad. On the contrary, most of them are pretty great. Kids love them and they will love you for getting them. What we are saying is–if these aren’t presents for your own children–that maybe you should check with the parents before you give their child a toy that will last forever. More specifically, we’re saying you should check with the parents if you actually like them. If it’s a gift for your best frenemy’s grade-schooler, just get your wallet out now, ‘cause do we have the gift for you.
15 toys that kids will love, but their parents will hate
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KINETIC SAND
When you said you needed a vacation, you didn’t mean a makeshift beach in your house. You’ll need a Pina Colada just to get through all the cleaning required to rid your home of the sand ‘that never dries out.’ It also never stays in one spot.
$30 at Chapters Indigo Chapters Indigo
FISHER-PRICE CORN POPPER
The Fisher-Price Corn Popper has been loudly pretending to clean and not actually doing anything since 1957. So, someone must like it, right? It’s been on the market for six decades and in that time, we’re convinced that not a single parent has bought a Corn Popper for their own child.
$16 at Toys”R”Us Fisher Price
ELF ON THE SHELF
We get how the Elf on the Shelf, a toy that encourages good behaviour by children, seems like a gift parents would love. But its title is misleading in that the elf does not, in fact, stay on the shelf. Enjoy waking up at 3 am in a fit of panic realizing you forgot to move the damn elf AGAIN.
$40 at Chapters Indigo Chapters Indigo
MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS
Musical instruments are a great way to encourage development in children, promote creativity, and instill a love of music. They’re also a great gift to give kids if you hate their parents. Like, downright loathe them. If you’re thinking of gifting junior’s first drums, you better be gifting junior’s first pair of noise-cancelling headphones at the same time.
$90 at Amazon Amazon
TOYS WITH SOUNDTRACKS
Take the catchiest jingle of all time and then multiply it by 100. That’s how powerful the computerized songs found on children’s toys feel to a parent who hears the same 10 second tune approximately one million times per day. What do parents dream of? The songs from their kid’s toys.
$50 at Chapters Indigo Chapters Indigo
SLIME
There’s a specific level of hate you must possess for another parent to gift their child with slime. Did they buy the same couch as you and now you want to see it ruined? Do they talk about their authentic Persian rug ad nauseum? It’s okay, you can tell us.
$30 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
GLITTER
There’s only one thing that strikes more fear into the heart of parents than the word ‘glitter.’ That’s ‘glue.’
$4 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
OVERSIZED TOYS
Remember when you had a living room with a floor you could actually see? Neither do we, thanks in large part to oversized toys and ‘interactive’ stations that look really cool in stores and will be played with by your child exactly three times before they lose interest. They collect dust, too!
$190 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
LEGO
We get that LEGO is one of the most popular toys in the world, and for good reason; they encourage children to use their creativity and imagination. They also hurt like hell when you step on them at 3 am, which is around the same time you’ll be discharged from the ER after your kid sticks a block up their nose at dinner time.
$25 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
STUFFED ANIMALS
Most children have two favourite stuffed animals. Tops. The rest are germ and dust magnets that take up space and can’t really be re-gifted or donated. What do you do with a slightly used stuffed animal? Throwing them out just seems…cruel. Kinda like gifting them.
$60 at Chapters Indigo Chapters Indigo
VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES
Why is there always the one ‘cool’ uncle that wants to buy a totally age inappropriate violent toy for a kid? There’s so much that parents already have to explain to their kids in 2018. Please don’t make us distinguish between real and fake violence in video games.
$80 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
ENDLESS ACCESSORIES
A toy that comes with a never-ending list of tiny accessories that can easily be lost and send a child into a full-blow panic attack? Sign us up!
$35 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
‘SURPRISE’ TOYS
You know the toys, the ones that don’t tell you exactly what’s inside so then you have to buy the equivalent of one year of University tuition in order to get the single, cheaply made toy your kid so desperately wants and will play with for exactly three seconds? Those.
$20 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
YELLIES
Yellies aka nightmare material are colourful toy spiders that move faster as your child yells louder. That’s right, they encourage your child to use their outdoor voice while inside, the very thing you’ve spent their short time on earth trying to discourage.
$20 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
BABY SHARK
Bleeding ears doo doo doo doo doo doo. Crying parents doo doo doo doo doo doo. Toy in garbage doo doo doo doo doo doo.
$35 at Toys”R”Us Toys”R”Us
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