Babies are picky, moody and completely dependent little creatures. While parents spend tons of time every day cuddling and doting on their miniature humans, they spend even more time rolling their eyes and fighting the urge to scream. News flash: babies can be frustrating. You might be wondering why this all sounds familiar, even if you don’t have kids. Let us enlighten you. Babies are basically mini celebrities, and we’ve gathered a list of some hilarious similarities to prove our point.
1. BEVERAGES MUST BE WARMED TO AN EXACT TEMPERATURE
You thought the diva requesting purified spring water chilled to a specific temperature was snobby? Try giving baby a bottle that’s a few degrees cooler than perfection. Fail to meet the beverage temperature standard, and it becomes totally acceptable for baby to drop said beverage on the floor in disgust.
2. “PAPARAZZI” DOESN’T FAZE THEM
Your kid might not be walking or talking yet, but hold a smartphone in front of her face and you’re guaranteed a brilliant smile. (And don’t even get us started on all the unflattering angles that get posted via social media.)
3. MULTIPLE WARDROBE CHANGES IN A SINGLE OUTING
Baby arrived in his novelty Toronto Blue Jays jersey and cap, but by dinner, he’ll be sporting his “Grandma’s little prince” t-shirt and matching track pants. Add a preppy sweater and socks for photos with auntie, and then it’s on to the stylish dino PJs. (Throw in one of those classic poopy diaper explosions, and you’re adding a fifth outfit to the mix.)
4. THEIR SCHEDULES ARE ALWAYS FULL
Just like celebrities with tour dates, filming schedules, media appearances, strict workout regimes and social lives, babies are constantly on the go. An average week might include stroller fit class with mom, swimming lessons, music class, parent and tot gymnastics, play dates with baby friends and 40+ prepared meals and bottles. (And that doesn’t even include all the visits from Grandma!)
5. ENDLESS PERKS
You think celebs get things handed to them? Just wait until you start bringing a baby out and about. Want to see a movie? The theatre hosts special matinee screenings where babies are welcome. Going shopping? Park in the “parent and baby” spots up front. Visiting a local attraction like the Toronto Zoo? No worries – babies get in for free.
6. FOOD GETS ROYAL THE TREATMENT
The little princess is having roasted, grain-fed chicken with organic sweet potato and fresh herbs – while we heat up the McCain fries for ourselves. Baby’s menu comes first, after all. (Just don’t be surprised when your efforts aren’t appreciated.)
7. THEY GET CARRIED EVERYWHERE
Stroller, car seat, wagon, baby carrier – your little one could literally choose to never walk and he’d still get around just fine. Much like a stereotypical celeb, if there’s something baby doesn’t feel like doing, someone else will take care of it.
8. EVEN THEIR BUMS GET SPECIAL TREATMENT
You know what I’m talking about. All natural, scented, infused with Aloe Vera baby wipes for the wee one – while we’re slumming it with plain old toilet paper. (And what’s with all their high-end butt creams?)
9. THEY GET AWAY WITH RIDICULOUS OUTFITS
So, it’s the middle of winter, yet baby arrives at Grandma’s for a casual lunch wearing a fuchsia tutu, an obnoxiously large floral headband and sparkly tights. Does she pull it off? Absolutely. Would a pop star get away with the same look? You betcha. Anyone else? Heck. No.
No surprise here – babies sometimes lose their minds over nothing. You’ve given him the blue hat that he asked for, and he’s now thrown it (and himself) on the floor in a shrieking fit of rage because, as he has explained, “I WANTED THE BLUE HAT.” You try figuring that one out. Kid screams his face off, celeb shaves her head or swings nude on a wrecking ball. Tantrums come in many forms.
11. THEY’RE ALL PUBLISHED
Okay, so, babies aren’t sitting there writing autobiographies and memoirs. But between mom and dad’s handwritten baby book, professionally printed photo books and baby’s first drawings framed on the wall, it’s safe to say that the wee one gets some pretty solid experience with printed documentation during those early years. (Stay tuned for the up-and-coming best seller: Baby’s First Midlife Crisis.)
12. THEY ARE (ALWAYS) THE LATEST GOSSIP
And we aren’t just talking about major accomplishments, either. In the elusive “mommy group” setting, the gossip wheel is constantly in motion. Mom A: “I heard that Cole stopped sleeping through the night again.”Mom B: “AGAIN? Has he at least started hand signing ‘more’ during meals yet?” Mom C: “Apparently Macy started signing at four months old – but did you hear she had a peanut reaction?” Face it – your baby’s every move, much like that of our favourite (or least favourite) stars, will always be a topic of conversation.
13. MONEY IS NO OBJECT
If you have a practical side, you probably hem and haw over major clothing or shoe purchases on the regular. Is it worth the money? Will they still be good next year? But when it comes to baby, the tiniest pair of Nike sandals (that will likely only get worn a couple times) is TOTALLY WORTH EVERY DOLLAR. Likewise for wee purses, baseball caps and baby Ray-Bans. Our tiny humans must always be at the height of fashion, regardless of whether we’ve been wearing the same pathetic track pants for two weeks straight now (we have).
14. IN NEED OF CONSTANT ENTERTAINMENT
That’s right, baby gets bored. Like, all the time. You think that just because he had the time of his life knocking cups over yesterday that he’ll be interested again today? Not a chance. If mama wants baby to have a relaxing day at home, she better be prepared to keep the one-woman circus running all day long.
15. THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO THEM
You were in the kitchen for three minutes and there’s baby powder all over the carpet, cream cheese smeared across the coffee table and every single book/toy has been thrown on the floor. (And wait – is that lipstick on her forehead?) You want to be mad. You want to instill deep-rooted life lessons about responsibility and respect. You most definitely want to stick to your discipline plan and lay down the law. But, the whole mess is kind of cute! Commence photo shoot.