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Star-crossed lovers Noah and Allie may have taught us that behind every great love is a great story. But they also taught us that love isn’t always a many splendored thing and that ‘all we need is love’ isn’t always true. Sometimes patience and understanding is part of the package.

June 25 marks the 10-year anniversary of The Notebook hitting theatres, meaning it’s been 10 years since we’ve all cried our faces off, lusted after Ryan Gosling and wanted him and Rachel McAdams to live happily ever after. To celebrate the wondrous event that makes even the hardest of hearts crack just a little, we have a warning. Yes, a warning. We know, not super-romantic. If you are in a relationship that has been going on for a while or is just in that initial honeymoon phase, do not take your cues from this movie. Maybe it worked for these two… or well, maybe it didn’t. No spoilers, for the three of you who haven’t seen it yet.

1. Don’t change because you think the other person wants you to. Just be yourself.

notebook whatever you want

2. Threatening someone to go out with you is never a good thing. It’s manipulative and comes off kind of creepy.

notebook ferris wheel

3. Slow-dancing in the street is lame. And potentially dangerous.

notebook dancing

4. Violence isn’t necessary. Obviously guys should know not to hit girls but, also, girls, don’t go around slapping or shoving guys either. Because they might hit or push back.

notebook push

5. Don’t write a letter a day for a year. It’s a waste of time. And you come off a little stalker-y.

notebook letters

6. Don’t wait seven years for the love of your life to come back to you. Be proactive.  Go get him!

notebook seven years

7. Lying down in the middle of the street to get to know someone is never a good idea. Even if you live in a town with one stop light. It’s worth mentioning again: uh, dangerous.

notebook street

8. Relationships aren’t always easy and, like golf, need a lot of work. But it shouldn’t be all work because where’s the fun in that?

notebook what you want

9. Riding on the handlebars of your boyfriend’s bike on a dirt bike without a helmet is uncomfortable and dangerous. Do you want a broken face?

notebook bikes

10. If your mother is a pretentious, snobby b*tch who will do anything she can to undermine your significant other, prepare him/her for that so they aren’t made to look and feel like a jackass.

notebook mom

11. Don’t have sex in an abandoned house. The dust, the rusty nails, the shaky floorboards. So many bad things can happen.

notebook hot

12. Blue shutters? Really?

dream house

13. Don’t go on a mystery boat ride when you don’t know what the destination is — especially if you suffer from ornithophobia. Come on. An eerily quiet ride through an area filled with geese? Shudder. No thanks.

notebook birds

14. Kissing in the rain while huge cold droplets hit you feels like drowning. So not sexy.

notebook kiss rain

15. Fighting isn’t cute. And it doesn’t always lead to happy endings.

notebook fighting

16. Don’t say I hate you. Because what’s the point of staying together. Really?

notebook hate

17. Always fight for what you want, not what anyone else wants.

notebook what you want

18. Really, though, if it’s meant to be, love always finds a way.

notebook last