Seeing the world through the eyes of the vertically gifted requires a change of perspective. So grab your stepladders and prepare to walk a mile in shoes that are way too big for you.
1. When you’re tall, you don’t really need a name. You are just tall.
2. In photographs, you’re either just a head, or headless.
3. It’s hard to be inconspicuous, especially on the dance floor.
4. The things you love often look ridiculous in your hands. “I’m just going to do a tiny solo.”
5. And sometimes even the people you love.
6. Everyone is certain that you do, or did, or ought to have played basketball.
7. Shotgun is a cruel, manipulative and injurious game created by short people.
8. The first person you see when you walk into a room full of people is the other freakishly long specimen standing in the corner. The good news is that if you do meet them, they likely won’t comment on your height for at least a couple minutes.
9. Vince Vaughn: Worst. Spokesman. Ever.
10. What is this? A shoe for ants?!
11. Our spirit animal is not a giraffe, ipso facto. We may also be ostriches, moose or any predatory bird. Ostrich. “And just because Usain Bolt is tall, doesn’t mean we can all run like that.”
12. You’ve only ever known the one side of the piggyback.
13. When people say, “How’s the air up there?” and you smile and nod, while, inside, you die a little more each time. Cue fake laughter.
14. It’s true. If we wanted, we could watch you go to the bathroom.
15. Basements suites are out of the question.
16. In fact, head clearance is almost always an issue.
17. Kids think you’re a super hero.“Superhero name: Tall Man. Height: 4 meters. Super Power: See height.”
18. Hugs are awkward.
19. You can’t sleep just anywhere. Arguments that ensue could result from this: “Why do I always have to be big spoon?”
20. But, at least you haven’t been carded since you were 11 years old.