In case you haven’t noticed, the Blue Jays are kind of killing it this year.
The team recently won the American League East division championship for the first time in 22 years. 22 years! Which means it’s time for Canada to go into cheer mode. But since the next few games are slated for the middle of the day—during most people’s working hours—we’ve decided to prepare a list of 22 surefire excuses to get you out of that cubicle and down to the ol’ ball game.
1. “I’m feeling a little under the weather.”
2. “I knew I shouldn’t have ordered that clams casino.”
Can’t argue with food poisoning.
3. Two words: Family. Emergency.
4. “My religion forbids me from going to work today.”
Keep it non-specific: “I’m orthodox…”
5. “Cat puked all over the house, I have to take him to the vet.”
5b. “My cat just died.”
6. Jury duty.
7. Provide no reason, just insist you can’t work.
8. You’ve been snowed in.
9. “I’m pretty sure I have Ebola.”
10. Just don’t show up.
When your boss calls, say you booked the time off “months ago.”
11. “I thought today was Saturday.”
12. Say your house exploded. Refuse to elaborate.
13. Make puking/gagging sounds into the phone and say nothing.
14. You just witnessed a murder and need to tell the cops what you saw.
15. You’re being knighted by the queen today.
16. In your best Batman voice, mutter something about the Bat Signal and then hang up.
17. Play an action scene from a movie on full volume while frantically screaming into the phone, “We’re under attack!”
18. Blame aliens somehow.
19. You lost your prosthetic leg.
“It is very realistic. Technology these days, I tell ya…”
20. You’ve been deported.
21. You woke up in China. Don’t know how you got there.
22. “I’m taking the day off to watch the freaking Jays.”