No one thinks they’re a bad driver. Just look at Canada’s Worst Driver, which returns with its 11th season premiere on Oct. 26 on Discovery. Have you seen the people who get cast? Atrocious. And what’s scarier is they don’t voluntarily audition for it. They’re nominated by a concerned friend or relative which means they have no clue how bad they truly are.
A bad driver has no idea that they just ruined someone else’s day. The person the bad driver cut off may have gotten to work unscathed, but now they have an elevated heart rate and steam coming out of their ears, and they’ll rant about that driver to anyone who will listen.
Granted, we’ve all had our moments, but there’s a big difference between making an innocent mistake on occasion and that d-bag who simply doesn’t care. Or the slowpoke who could pass for a snail. Or the buffoon who thinks he owns the road. Argh. There are some people who truly shouldn’t be driving, and we know who they are. We feel your pain, good drivers. But just in case, here’s what to look out for. You know, since it’s not you but everyone else that’s the problem.
They don’t signal
How hard is it to hit the little arm on the left side of the steering wheel up or down? Lazy.
They change lanes erratically
There are some who almost side-swipe you, some who leave their signal on and are seemingly waiting for a red carpet to be rolled out before they come over, and there are the ones who cut you off just because. All dillweeds.
They go 50 over the speed limit
They go 20 under the speed limit
They don’t maintain speed up a hill
Pssst: You have to apply more pressure to the gas if you’re going up a hill. It’s called gravity.
They don’t maintain speed in general
If you’re going to do 80 in an 80, cool. If you’re going to do 90 in an 80, well, we can’t endorse that but it seems to be the norm. In any event, keep it consistent. Don’t be up our butts when the speed limit drops to 60 km/h and don’t question why we floor it when the speed limit permits us to go faster.
They drive a beast of an SUV and don’t know how to park it
Get a smaller car.
They don’t know how to park a little hatchback
There might be no hope for you.
They text at a red light who miss it when it turns green
Nothing is that urgent.
They text in general
Perhaps if I slam on the brakes they’ll realize they’re way too close.
They’re the worst mergers ever
Probably the biggest epidemic out there on the roads. You have to know when to step on it and when to hang tight — a quandary for many.
They’re turtles in the fast lane
They don’t know how to deal with horns honking
The horn is there for a reason: to communicate with other drivers and those around you. Sometimes it’s an emergency, other times it’s a friendly “beep beep.” The only people who get pissy about being honked at are those who did something wrong and have no idea what they did. Defensive much?
They endlessly talk on their phones
This is just a given. Plus, how do you not have Bluetooth yet?
They forget how to drive when that first smattering of snow falls
Unless you just moved here from the United Arab Emirates, Aruba or another country that’s hot year-round, then there’s no excuse why you can’t drive in inclement weather that happens practically seven months out of 12.
Same goes for rain
The term “raining cats and dogs” does not mean actual cats and dogs. No need to drive 20 km/h.
They veer across four lanes on the highway to make the exit
Would it kill you to be in the right lane for two minutes?
They don’t use the middle turning lane and block the driving lane
What do you think it’s there for?
They turn and FACE THEIR PASSENGER when they’re driving
No, really, there’s only two of you in the car, who else would you be talking to?! Eyes forward!
They roll up in the right lane that’s about to end
Flies by so he’s in front of you…then proceeds to go slower than you would’ve gone.
They don’t know the dimensions of their vehicle
There’s a ton of room between the car ahead and the curb to the right, but they still don’t believe their car can fit so they wait until it turns green. Then you have to wait some more as pedestrians cross. And if there’s a cyclist sharing the road? Forget about it. They won’t pass until there’s no one in the oncoming lane.
They’re all-out ridiculous about speed bumps and train tracks
The ones who come to a near-full stop have no idea about the near- and actual rear-end collisions they just caused behind them.
They brake for no reason
Unless you’re coming to a stop, if all you need to do is slow down, taking your foot off the gas gets you the same result.
They make unnecessary U-turns
Don’t inconvenience drivers around you by attempting to pull a Dukes of Hazzard move and failing miserably. If you missed the street you meant to turn on, turn on the next street and turn around.
They don’t use their rearview and sideview mirrors
They leave no room when they parallel park
Great. It took them 20 minutes to get into that spot but left almost no room, and now you have to do a 17-point turn to get out. Thanks.
They leave an 18-wheeler-sized spot in front of the guy ahead of you
Thus making it a free-for-all for everyone to get ahead. But you.
That guy who drives normally, but when a woman passes, he speeds up
Because God forbid a woman drives faster than a man.
Canada’s Worst Driver premieres Monday, October 26 at 10 p.m. ET/PT on Discovery.