1. Her lyrics.
While her peers are producing hits that consist of little more than a single word repeated 56 times, Lorde is calling out the economic inequalities and rampant materialism infecting celebrity culture. She’s like your third-year sociology professor, except her hooks are a hell of a lot catchier.
2. She’s fast friends with Taylor Swift.
Imagine the kind of patience that calls for. At only 17, there’s no way Lorde has found the time to attend the number of yearly Buddhist retreats required to achieve the Zen-like personality one needs to endure high doses of Swiftyness.
3. Lorde has no time for Photoshop.
Most teenagers would rather die than have someone notice they’ve got a pimple. Lorde points hers out and shames magazines for airbrushing them off her face. And don’t even try to touch her nose.
apart from the fact that i’m pretty sure this magazine gave me a new nose (:|), i really like this photo pic.twitter.com/Ehk9QMYPjf
— Lorde (@lordemusic) April 16, 2014
4. Her pantsuits.
When was the last time your teen daughter asked you to take her shopping for a new pair of trousers and a matching sport coat?
5. The rest of her wardrobe.
6. She’s not embarrassed to be seen in public with her parents.
Not even at the mall.
7. Lorde isn’t afraid to tell the paparazzi where to go (straight to hell, by the way).
And she uses her words, not her fists/bodyguards. So grown-up.
8. She’s into Kraftwerk.
The German electronic music ensemble is currently touring (perhaps you caught one of their three Canadian performances)? If you did, you’d know that no one under 35 goes to see Kraftwerk.
9. Notice she doesn’t say princess?
10. She has her own line of MAC cosmetics coming out this June.
Early reports say it’s glitter-free and doesn’t smell like cotton candy.
11. Lorde dances like this.
12. She uses a Neti Pot.
We could end this list right here.
13. Like anyone over the age of 25, she has a bit of trouble mastering the art of the selfie.
14. Lorde has incited more than one serious conversation about music criticism.
You can’t say the same for Selena Gomez.
15. The Hairpin saw fit to spend $17.02 on a copy of her birth certificate.
Not to out her, they say, but to shut down the Lorde-truthers claiming she was born in 1979 instead of 1996. Hmm…we’re still not completely convinced.
16. She proofread her mom’s doctoral thesis when she was 14.
It was 40,000 words long. There’s no way she finished it in only three years, right?
17. She is very concerned about her oral hygiene.
So is her 24-year-old boyfriend. That’s because they’re actually 35 and 42 — and really worried about gingivitis.
18. Lorde turned down an offer to open for Katy Perry.
“I’m just basically really stubborn and I want to be really independent. So I want to be headlining my own shows instead of supporting someone else. Which I think is fair enough,” she told the media. It would be pretty awkward for a woman of 35 to open for an artist who wears bras outfitted with whipped cream cans on stage.
19. However, she made it up to Katy by deejaying with her at Universal Music Brits’ after party.
20. She gets upset about missing sleep.
Like most people with hectic schedules and full-time demanding careers, Lorde knows the importance of a good night’s rest.
21. She hangs out with other wise-beyond-their-years teens.
As opposed to a typical teenage social media flame war.
23. She’s not into competing with her peers, she’s into raising everybody up.
That kind of philosophy is way too evolved to come from a hormone-ridden teen!
24. She’s Beyoncé tested and Beyoncé approved.
You think Queen Bey would deign to greet some upstart teenage kid backstage at the Grammys? Not a chance. This can only be a photo of two thirty-something women acknowledging their mutual respect for one another.
25. She’s already nostalgic for her youth.
Just listen to the lyrics of “Ribs.”
26. She knows how to manage her curls.
If you’ve got kinky, curly or wavy hair, then you know you didn’t figure out how to tame it until you were in your late 20s.
27. Here she is on stage with rock legends Kim Gordon and Krist Novoselic.
Sonic Youth, Nirvana…and Lorde? Does anyone know if Rebecca Gayheart was in a ’90s-era grunge band?
28. She has a fridge stocked with real food.
Not a leftover pizza in sight.
29. She won two Grammys and acted like it was no big deal.
30. She’s not afraid to call herself a feminist — a label even Beyoncé approaches with extreme caution.
Younger women tend to try to temper the label with a list of caveats, but (35-year-old) Lorde embraces it.
31. Lorde calls a spade a spade, and a Bieber a Bieber.
“I feel like the influences that are there in the industry for people my age, like Justin Bieber or whatever, are just maybe not a very real depiction of what it’s like to be a young person,” said the singer, subtly and smartly calling the bratty Canadian out on his bullshit. Aren’t all 17-year-olds in love with Bieber? Or is that seven-year-olds?
32. She is well aware that fame is an illusion and she thinks it’s unhealthy.
Lorde worries about the effect that celebrity culture is having on the youth of today. Can someone get this woman a meeting with Kim Kardashian?
33. She’s the anti-Miley.
This was her wardrobe at the most recent Billboard Awards. Classy, fashionable and pretty much the opposite of a marijuana-leaf-printed thong leotard — which is what all the teenagers are wearing now, right?
34. She’s not the anti-Miley.
Lorde finds the media’s habit of pitting female artists against each other to be really frustrating and kind of silly. Skip forward to the 13:00 minute mark for her thoughts on journalists who’ve labelled her as Miley’s inverse. So mature.
35. Still, she’s never done this for attention (and I’m talking about both Miley and her gyrating co-conspirator Robin Thicke here):
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