So, there’s a lot of hype about Kim Kardashian’s new Hype Energy drink video. As the spokesperson for the company, Kim is expected to promote the product and spout gospel about its amazing effects, right?
Well, maybe not. We watched the ad, and we have to say that we have a lot of questions. In just two-and-a-half minutes, the reality star manages to invoke everyone from Audrey Hepburn to Marie Antoinette, while also falling off a horse and landing in a dream-like state.
Yeah, you read that right. Here are just some of the random thoughts we had watching the ad (below).
1. Wait, did she die? Why is she dead?
2. OH she’s riding a bike. Doesn’t she need to watch where she’s going?
3. Holy crap she just fell. Did that just happen?
4. Right. Because doesn’t everyone carry a heavy basket full of pop cans with them? That’s what bike baskets were made for.
5. Ok so she’s just sleeping, she’s not dead. Is that right?
6. Is it just us, or does her dead face look a lot like her selfie duck face?
7. White lace… is this a wedding or a funeral?
8. Can someone also please explain this music?
9. How has this only been 30 seconds so far?
10. Okay, so what does Marie Antoinette have to do with all this?
11. How much time did that makeup take?
12. Also, did they have contouring during the French Revolution?
13. Actually, who couldn’t see Kim provoking an international crisis?
14. One, how much time did that hair take?
15. Two, is she ever going to wake up?
16. Three… what is happening?
17. Is this what kids these days call high fashion?
18. Oh good, who doesn’t want a lingering Kardashian cleavage shot?
19. And lingering…
20. Huh. Wonder why this pink theme? Is pink the new black?
21. Why would they focus on her hemline and not her bum? Isn’t that kind of her thing?
22. Note to self: clean the curtains this weekend.
23. OH MY GOD SHE’S FINALLY AWAKE. That only took a minute and a half. Will Marie ride a bike too?
24. Ohhhh is this all a dream from when she fell OFF the bike?
25. Why is she drinking that? Didn’t they poison people like that back then?
26. Can we all just agree that she didn’t REALLY just drink that?
27. Sure, sure. Cheers to you too. We guess?
28. Wonder if she’s thinking of Kanye during those dreamy glances at nothingness.
29. Well we know what Kanye will be thinking when he sees all of that lace.
30. How is she not blinking? This is creepy.
31. Okay so yes! This was a dream… right? Right?
32. Damn that’s a big ring. We have a headache too, Kim.
33. This music is the worst. Where did we put that Advil?
34. What the hell… we’re at a disco now?
35. Seriously, what is going on? Where’s the bike?
36. Is that a shirt or a dress?
37. Okay what is she looking at still?
38. Is this energy drink secretly a drug? Is she hallucinating, is that it?
39. WHOA SHE JUST LOOKED AT US! We might have been cursed. Are we cursed?
40. Huh. Kim might not look so bad with shorter hair. Should I cut my hair?
41. Don’t shake that can. Don’t shake that can. Don’t shake that can.
42. How long would those boots actually take to put on?
43. Wait, that’s it? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Maybe it’s just us. Feel free to watch this inexplicable video as often as you’d like. Now excuse us while we go drink a tall, refreshing glass of… water.