Did you hear the one about Bill Murray, Wes Anderson, and a train-riding, all-female mariachi band? We did, and we’re still not sure we understand it. But that’s what happens when you let Bill Murray loose in the wild world of internet message boards—a place where grammar, punctuation, and coherent storytelling are the exception, not the rule (especially when there’s tequila involved). Bill Murray, at the best of times, tells stories like Drake dances—without rhyme or reason or rhythm—but don’t think that we’re complaining! Here are 7 of the best and most bewildering things he said during his latest Reddit AMA:
Partying in a New York subway station with Andy Warhol and some french fries is like being on an airplane.
“It was biggest party ever in NYC at the time. You couldn’t get into this party. It was an inner circle thing… If you made an airport movie with everyone on the plane is a celebrity, it was like that times 10. We were doing a show in the restaurant cabaret, the guys catering were the same guys who gave us leftover french fries… We felt like we didn’t belong at all… I said to Andy Warhol ‘I love the soup can’ and he looked at me like ‘You don’t belong here.’ What a time that was.”
He’s avoided being roughed up by the police by referencing local art installations.
“We were riding around in the middle of the night, and I think I was driving this time, and the cop pulled up. It was bad. I said, ‘Excuse me, we’re looking for the baseball bat?’ He paused and he backed up 2 steps, and looked at me real hard. ‘The Claes Oldenburg Baseball Bat: It’s over-sized, 150 feet tall.’ So the cop says, ‘The Calder standing mobile, is in the city of Chicago building, and the Chagall painted windows are at the First National Bank.’ We thought we’d be beaten, and the idea of 9 guys riding around looking for art installations… it was just funny.”
Believe it or not, he isn’t ‘the funny one’ in his family.
“My brother Brian, you can see smoke coming out of his head. He will ruminate on some thing and all of the sudden, and just throws it out there and it splatters the room. It’s like, wow. I don’t know how it works in his brain. You can see him thinking and then it comes. My brother Joel is funny, my brother John is funny. They’re all pretty funny. My sister Peggy is funny. But Brian, he has a real gift.”
Who would play him in a movie? No one. Or one of these three guys:
“Who would I want to play [me]? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone… there’s no one really… I like the little kid who was in The Royal Tenenbaums, one of the twins.”
Of course, there are no twins in The Royal Tenenbaums, but there are three characters who dressed alike. So the question remains, who would play Murray: Ari, Uzi, or Ben Stiller?
His favourite movie to make was the one where he waterskied on the moon and went backstage at an MC Hammer concert.
“What About Bob was really fun. We were on a lake in Smith Mountain, VA… We waterskied on a full moon… it’s moonshine country there. The party would start at 5:45pm and be in full tilt at 6:08. We crashed an MC Hammer concert… I called CAA and said I want to see this show, I said I’m bringing people. We hired a bus, 55 people completely party all the way to the place get there and the bouncers are like ‘Hey Bill! Aw man, how many witchu?’ They put us on the side of the stage. Anyway, that movie was fun.”
Wes Anderson: hates flying, might like mariachi music.
“[Wes Anderson] prefers ground travel. I’m telling you guys this… he came through and we worked in Santa Fe. We had to get down to this train. We met this Mariachi band, 8 violins and a couple big guitars, they were striking! They had a layover. I said, ‘OH COME ON, let’s get something to eat.’ We got great Mexican food; we ate outdoors. Wes said, ‘I felt something funny when you opened the door,’ and the whole train station just got filled with their music. They played to us as the train pulled away. We had someone else on the film get married, and we got this same bland all-women band to blast them with music.”
The worst thing about being Bill Murray is the best thing about being Bill Murray.
“The worst thing about it, they’re one in the same: You wish you could walk down the street and look at things and watch things uninterrupted. The shock of being recognized brings you out of this place where you’re just trying to take it in. Its an obligation and you’re reminded you have to show up. It’s a coin with two sides. As much as I don’t like the one side, the other side is what might save me.”
Related: if he could pick a superpower, it would be invisibility. All the better to sneak up on us, cover our eyes with his hand, and whisper “No one will ever believe you.”