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Today is the first day of fall, so breathe in that pumpkin-spiced breeze, everyone. Go on, suck back some of that nutmeg-y joy, cut with a little crisp air. Summer lovers are at odds with this seasonal development, but most people will appreciate the dawn of sweater weather, and the joys that will unfold thanks to a little bit of layering. But fall is more than just hot Yankee Candle-flavoured coffees and cute clothes. There’s a lot that goes through our minds when the temperature slightly drops and everything feels like a perpetual state of transition. So here are 75 thoughts that go through everyone’s mind on this, the first day of fall:

  1. “It’s finally time to read this article from 2009.”
  2. “Let’s get this party started: plays The Flaming Lips’ “My Cosmic Autumn Rebellion.”
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  3. Holding a sweater, you think, “is it really sweater weather? Like, is it really?
  4. Since you talk yourself out of the idea, you are left a bit chilly. “I had that sweater in my hands, why am I not wearing that sweater right now?”
  5. “I better choke down this Pumpkin Spice Latte or it’s not officially fall, right?” or “My first Pumpkin Spice Latte has arrived!!!! *twirls*”
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  6. “Four of your finest miniature pumpkins, sir.”
  7. “Why do all of these pumpkins have marks all over them? I have been swindled!” And 40 minutes later, “okay, just a little bit to the right and… perfect, no one will ever know we bought imperfect gourds.”
  8. “I’m going to buy a squash!”
  9. “It’s a day of the week, and I am totally buying squash.”
  10. “Google, tell me a way to cook squash that isn’t soup. I am sick of squash soup. Google? Hello?!”
  11. “Patio drinks after work?” Because you’re in denial about the seasons. “I’ll have your most fiery brown spirit, sir. I want it to feel like hot fire in my throat.”
  12. “Scuze me, but is there anything on your menu that doesn’t have squash?” (Answer: no. You cry a little.)
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  13. Waitress to you: “Are you okay?”
  14. “I’m fine, it’s just that I’m dealing with a lot of gourd-related harassment right now.”
  15. “Here’s a drink. It’s on me.”
  16. “Thank you so much. I guess I’ll have … the butternut squash soup?”
  17. “We need more wine. I plan to put red wine in all of our food.”
  18. “It’s f–king fall, wtf?”
  19. “No, it can’t be.”
  20. “Ugh, it totally is.”
  21. “S–t.”
  22. “Ah! What was that?” It was a leaf. It was the first fallen leaf to have grazed your nose. It’s like leafy terrorism.
  23. “Do we have a rake?”
  24. “We should buy a rake.”
  25. “Why did we buy a rake? We have three rakes right here.”
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  26. “Look at all of those red leaves!”
  27. “And those yellows!”
  28. “It’s going to rain and these leaves are going to look like baby diarrhea. Thank goodness we have three rakes.”
  29. “I should move somewhere warm.”
  30. “I don’t have any money.”
  31. “Who likes soup?”
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  32. “Because I’m making soup tonight.”
  33. “Did you know there are so many different kinds of soup?”
  34. “I should shut up about soup.”
  35. “Fall jackets! No more sweaty pits for me!”
  36. “Um, it’s fall, why am I still sweating and why can’t I find my perfect temperature? I’m an adult, why isn’t this easy?”
  37. “The kids have outgrown all of their shoes.”
  38. “Why are kids fall clothes so expensive?”
  39. “Who wants to have a kids clothing swap?”
  40. “What should I be for Halloween?”
  41. “It’ll probably rain, so I probably shouldn’t wear white.”
  42. “Does anyone have a pie I could eat?”
  43. “Seriously, will work for pie.”
  44. “Why can’t I stop thinking about pie… and lard-based crusts?”
  45. “I’ve already gained five pounds and it is literally the first day of fall.”
  46. “That dog’s coat is cuter than mine? I hate that b–ch.”
  47.  “I can’t wait to start my first fire.”
  48. “Oh, I’m not one of those people. I have a fireplace.”
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  49. “Hot chocolate time!”
  50. “Better get my long johns and wool socks out.”
  51. “But this is just a precaution. It’s too early for that. I still don’t have to wear those *stares intensely at fall and winter boots near the door as if they’ve killed someone you love*”
  52. “Goodbye excessively high summer energy bill! A/C is a money pit!”
  53. “Hello excessively high heating bill!”
  54. “F–k, I only have 92 days until the holidays…”
  55. “I’ll start planning tomorrow!”
  56. “On second thought, maybe another day.”
  57. “I’m going to do things differently this year, and I’m going to start by boiling this cinnamon stick in this pot of water.”
  58. “Wow, that sure smells nice.”
  59. “Cinnamon makes me sick now. I hate it.”
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  60. “I don’t have any room for our patio furniture. I wonder if we should try to sell it.”
  61. “But who wants patio furniture in late September? Can we just put a tarp over it?”
  62. “Y’know what? I’m going to wear slip-on shoes until my ankles are burning from frost.”
  63. “Why are my ankles so cold?”
  64. “Maybe I should have re-considered the whole “wearing socks” business.”
  65. “Halloween is almost here, maybe I should work on a Jack-o-Lantern now and get ahead of things.”
  66. “Maybe I’ll hand out baby carrots this year, to be healthy.” If this is you, you should probably anticipate eggs being pelted at your car.
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  67. “Maybe I should try an ornate design this year.”
  68. “Ouch! My hand! Stupid knife.”
  69. “Well, now the pumpkin has blood on it. Guess that’s a nice touch.”
  70. “On second thought, this was a dumb idea. This pumpkin is not making it to October 31.”
  71. “Why did I decide to be proactive this year.”
  72. “I’m going back to watching TV. I think there’s a new Scandal on tonight.”
  73. “There is a new Scandal on tonight!”
  74. “Why was I doing anything else but this?”
  75. “I’m going to buy a new mug for my hot beverages. I’m also going to buy booze to put in my hot beverages. That’s the fall I remember.”
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