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It’s no secret the baby product market is an oversaturated one. Parents are suckers for anything and everything geared towards their little ones, especially if it promises to make life easier or increase safety in some way, shape or form. That’s probably why almost all of us have invested in things like wipe warmers and snot suckers at some point in our lives.

But there are functional things that help with the shock of a cool cloth on the bum or to allow your child to breathe, and then there are these products… products so weird you can’t help but say WTF.

Shittens

Yes, you can take this product literally, because they’re mittens for s–t. I guess somebody out there decided that a well-placed wipe just isn’t good enough for digging into those baby-fat crevices, and that they needed a mitten in the form of a wipe instead. Well hey. If you’ve got extra money to spend on a fitted wipe good on you.

#Shittens

A post shared by Pretzule Adams (@pretzule) on


The Baby Bum Fan

Looking to dry your baby’s bottom without the uncomfortable chaffing that comes with a towel or cloth? Look no further than this baby bum fan, which totally reminds me of those personalized cooling fans people used to carry around in the 80s. You know, back when they also had a fanny pack to tuck them in to.

Baby Perfume

You know how some people are constantly smelling other people’s babies because they just smell so good? (Totally guilty.) Well, I suppose this product may help to avoid that awkward situation because now you can spritz your little one with his or her very own signature scent, effectively masking that new baby smell goodness.

The Windi

We picked this one more for the name than anything else. Gassy babes are a very real thing—it takes a while to learn how to properly pass gas, after all. So the gadget makers over at Frida Baby (the same people who brought you the snot sucker), have come up with this product, which you lube up and gently insert into a baby’s rectum to help all that nasty gas pass… and, um, other stuff. Trust us, have a diaper ready if you go with this product.

fridababy The Windi Gas & Colic Relief -10 pcs ________ For gassy little tummies, go ahead and try fridababy The Windi Gas & Colic Relief to give your babies instant comfort! _________ For only P999! _________ Massage your baby’s tummy gently downward. _________ Lift legs and have a diaper ready… It could get really messy! _________ Then insert the narrow tip of the Windi into the rectum (just like what you do with a thermometer). Don’t worry, it has a “stopper” that will prevent you from inserting too far. _________ Listen for the whistle, it should only take a few seconds. As a result, any excess, built-up gas will instantly be released, giving your child immediate relief! *Follow package instructions carefully. _________ #giftyourbaby #gyb #gift #giftideas #baby #kids #fridababy #fridababyph #thewindi #colicrelief _________ Find more at https://www.facebook.com/giftyourbaby/

A post shared by Gift Your Baby (@giftyourbaby) on


Nurse Me Tender

It doesn’t really matter where you stand on the subject of breast milk or formula, because we can all probably agree that this nurse-simulating sling is pretty damned weird. Whatever happened to the days of just shoving the bottle into your chest and positioning the baby with your arms?


The Babykeeper

When you’re out in public and you have to use the washroom, what are you supposed to do with baby? Well you used to keep him in a car seat or stroller… but NOW you can sling him over the back of the door with this gadget, which honestly seems like a heck of a more work.

What is this world coming to???? #babykeeper #crazytrain #poorbaby

A post shared by Megan Gomez (@meggs_sunnysideup) on


Heelarious

What does every baby girl need? Her own pair of animal print high heels of course. We mean, we thought baby shoes were pointless in general but these ones are next level ridiculous.


A Placenta Teddy Bear

Why just tell your children the story of how they were born when you can actually order a placenta teddy bear to help illustrate the big moment in all its bloody glory? These bears are perfectly suitable… if you’re living in a mad scientist’s house.

Placenta Teddy Bear (I have 4 friends expecting babies at the moment so this seems relevant: This is a teddy bear made from a placenta. Yep – you read that right! Designer Alex Green created the Twin Teddy Kit to ‘celebrate the unity of the infant, the mother and the placenta’ in a situation where perhaps the mother doesn’t want to eat it. Apparently the placenta must be cut in half and rubbed with sea salt to cure it, then treated with an emulsifying lotion to make it soft and pliable. Then it can be fashioned into a teddy bear. It’s quite a nice idea really and you can see from the jar it’s in that it’s more of a keepsake and not a ‘cuddly’ bear 🐻 #remains2beseen #humanremains #anatomy #pathology #placenta #teddybear #placentateddybear #pregnancy

A post shared by Carla Valentine (@remains2beseen) on