Justin Bieber does a lot of bad things, but he’s probably regretting this one right about now.
The singer recently had to shell out $80,900 – the cost to fix his former neighbour’s home after he pelted it with eggs. A Los Angeles judge also ordered him to complete five days of community service and attend 12 anger management sessions after the incident. It would appear as though the cracks are finally starting to show in Bieber’s celeb-plated armour.
In any case, by that math, we can deduce that the Biebs spent about $80,900 on a dozen eggs — MAYBE two dozen — which isn’t a very solid investment. So we got thinking about more interesting ways Bieber could’ve dropped that kind of egg-themed dough, and here’s what we found:
He could’ve bought A LOT more eggs
We’ll start with the obvious. A dozen eggs in Canada sells for an average of $3.25. That means for $80,900, he would have been able to afford 24,892 cartons or 298,704 eggs. He would literally be able to bury that house in spattered yolk if he wanted to, or at least hit 298,704 homes with one egg each. What an amateur!
He could rival the Easter Bunny
Bieber could’ve had more control over the supply of chocolate eggs than the Easter Bunny himself. To prove it, let’s crunch the numbers: A box of 48 Cadbury Creme Eggs sells for $70 on Amazon.com. That’s 1156 boxes, or 55,488 pieces of chocolaty delight — all for Bieber! Cadbury has since fired its inferior bunny mascot, and is now holding auditions for a new Easter-themed animal:
He could’ve bought Santa’s share of eggnog
Tis the season for eggnog, and Biebs could’ve bought a lifetime supply. President’s Choice Rich and Creamy Eggnog sells for around $2.99 per litre. That means he could have been the owner of 27,057 litres of Santa’s favourite drink! We know who’s getting some coal this Christmas…
He could’ve triggered an egg noodle shortage
Here’s where it starts to get eggstraordinary (sorry, we’ll stop now). Egg noodles sell for around $1.62 per 226 grams. That means for $80,900 the singer could have loaded up his shopping cart with 49,938 packages or 11,285,988 grams of egg noodles! You could soundproof a room with that many noodles (and never have to listen to that horrendous “Baby” track again).
He could’ve reversed the clock
We know the Biebs always has to look his best, that’s why we’re surprised he passed up on egg facials. You only need one per treatment, so he could’ve given himself 298,704 facials to keep those pores nice and clean. Beauty and a beat indeed!
He could’ve (almost) purchased a piece of history
He also could have splurged and put a down payment on a rare Imperial Faberge Easter Egg, made for the Russian Royal family in 1887 — now worth $20 million! That would be the perfect gift to woo Selena back!
He could’ve eaten all the cake in Cakeville
We’re not sure how he resisted this one, but this Chocolate Bourbon Cake requires 3 eggs to make. Since we’ve already established that Bieber could’ve bought 298,704 eggs with the same amount of cash, we can assume he’d have enough to make a stunning 98,460 delicious cakes!
He could have every Kinder Surprise surprise ever created
It’s totally Bieber’s style to horde all of the toys so nobody else can have any. We’re almost Kinder surprised he didn’t do this. A pack of 24 chocolate eggs sells for roughly $39.95. That means the singer could’ve had 2025 cases or 48,600 toys + chocolate. Now who’s going to help him build the surprises?