Have you ever wanted to know what it’s like to be Kim Kardashian for a day? No? Ahem, um, yeah, us either. But in case you do find yourself wondering how the other half lives, let’s just say it’s different. Very, very different. Like Martian different.
Kim detailed her life for 24 hours, start to finish, in a new interview with Harper’s Bazaar — and we’re exhausted from just reading it. (Sense the tone.)
Now keep in mind, the documented day was a fairly typical day in Kardashian’s life. Out of the kindness of our hearts we have presented you with an abridged version, and just for funz, we thought we’d compare her life to our own. Care to play along?
Kim: 6 a.m.
Wake up, check mobile devices, listen for a peep from the baby monitor, talk to Kanye if he’s up, share kisses with him. Aw.
Us: 6 a.m.
Wake up, check mobile devices, go the bathroom, brush teeth before even thinking about giving our significant other a kiss, get ready for work.
Kim: 6:15 a.m.
Check on North, who is still sleeping like an angel, then go out for an hour-long (or-hour-and-15-minute) run in her gated community or work out in home gym on the other side of the house. Eat breakfast (scrambled eggs, oatmeal or a protein shake with fruit, FYI) made by their chef before North wakes up.
Us: 6:15 a.m.
Tiptoe downstairs so no one else hears and wakes up, but hit that squeaky second-last step and everyone’s awake. The TV is now blasting, the kids want breakfast, get them their cereal or toaster waffles before scarfing down a piece of dry toast, the dog needs a quick walk, and blow everyone a kiss before flying out the door.
Kim: 8 a.m.
North finally wakes up and the two play for an hour.
Us: 8 a.m.
Sitting in traffic.
Kim: 9 a.m.
Takes an hour-long bath because tubs that large take extra-long to fill.
Us: 9 a.m.
Still stuck in traffic, will probably be late for work, coming up with excuses that’ll satisfy our boss.
Kim: 10 a.m.
Professional hairstylist and makeup artist swings by the house, but if there’s no time, she does her own hair and makeup.
Us: 10 a.m.
Just getting into the office, quietly setting everything down and turning computer on so the boss doesn’t know how late we actually got in.
Kim: 12 p.m.
Filming begins but on off days, there might be a meeting where she talks about selfies.
Us: 12 p.m.
Still toiling away, trying to ignore our grumbling stomachs for one more hour.
Kim: 1 p.m.
Eats her chef-made lunch.
Us: 1 p.m.
Eat at our desk, usually stuff out of the vending machine or the crappy coffee shop in the lobby of our building.
Kim: 2 p.m.
Talk, text, video-chat with family.
Us: 2 p.m.
Still doing mundane work stuff, this time amidst crumbs and spilled coffee.
Kim: 3 p.m.
Eat a snack, something with peanut or almond butter and drink an iced tea loaded with sweetener.
Us: 3 p.m.
Grab some Hickory Sticks from the vending machine, stare at the clock and wait for time to go by faster.
Kim: 7 p.m.
It’s dinnertime (presumably made by one of Kanye’s chefs), indulge in Hulce de Leche Haagen-Dazs for dessert.
Us: 7 p.m.
Run through the door with a pizza, and chat with the family about our day. Or, run in from the kids’ soccer/gymnastics/hockey/music/karate/swimming/insert activity here classes with a pizza and then chatting about our day.
Kim: 9 p.m.
Put North down for the night and unwind by getting into bed, answering emails and going on eBay.
Us: 9 p.m.
Make sure the kids have done their homework, get them ready for bed, tidy up the tornado that went through the house, get lunches ready for the next day, maybe watch some TV.
Kim: 11 p.m.
Puts hair up, washes the makeup off her face, applies facial oil or moisturizer, then hits the sack. “I’m usually so tired, I just pass out.”
Us: 11 p.m.
Watch the news, read a book, play Candy Crush, lights out. “We’re usually so tired, we just pass out.”
OK, maybe not so different.