When you think of Hollywood and all the famous weirdos and non-weirdos inhabiting it, who springs to mind when you hear descriptors like “pretentious” and elitist?” If you said anyone other than Gwyneth Paltrow, then enjoy your party of one. Because we and everyone else know that Goop is the Queen of Smug and is THE expert at shoving her extravagant lifestyle in the faces of peasants.
Princess P’s latest venture is an exclusive arts club on the Sunset Strip, because giving us GOOP wasn’t enough. It will be similar to The Arts Club in London, where membership runs about $2,000 per year and is described as a “place where creative and entrepreneurial patrons come together to meet, exchange ideas, dine and participate in the various events’ (sic) pertaining to arts, literature, or sciences.” Swearing and gambling is prohibited and, naturally, there’s a strict dress code. Well, la-di-dah.
As far as Goop snobbery (Goopery!) goes, this is only a drop in the bucket. Here are 13 (Why 13? Why not?) of the GOOPiest GOOPs ever GOOPed.
13. As mentioned, there’s her upcoming arts club
Not only is it so fancy you can’t afford it, she’s also bulldozing Larry Flynt’s Hustler Hollywood sex store to make it happen.
12. The latest GOOP newsletter boasts of the perfect bread-free sandwich.
Which is just sandwich stuff crammed in a wrap of nori, lettuce or collard greens.
11. Her reaction to what’s blooming in her garden is a little ridiculous.
“When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.”
10. That time she compared the online comments about herself to war
“It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing … My hope is, as we get out of it, we’ll reach the next level of conscience.” Lock and load.
9. Who can forget her preference for smoking crack over eating cheese from a tin?
Goop is too good for processed cheddar!
8. When she angered every other mom out there.
By saying her job as an actress on set is more challenging compared to moms with “regular” jobs.
7. And the kicker:
“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.” Just… NO.
6. She would rather die than let her kid eat Cup-o-Soup.
5. Her GOOP Gift Guides will set you back hundreds of thousands of dollars. Literally.
But Gwynnie maintains that the site isn’t “out of touch,” it’s “aspirational.” For whom? Millionaires?
4. Her Vespa takes precedence over school buses filled with peasant children.
No words necessary.
3. She supposedly only lets her kids watch TV in French or Spanish.
It could be worse. At least Gwyneth lets her kids watch TV.
2. She’s besties with Beyoncé and Jay Z.
We get it. You don’t have to keep beating us over the head with it.
1. Finally, two words: Conscious. Uncoupling.