Not to sound stalkery, but Adele has always been the kind of celebrity with whom we can imagine being besties. Like, a going out for a few pints, sharing a meal, hanging out and shooting the sh*t kind of friend. Because there’s always been something so genuine and nice about her. She’s one of the biggest stars out there, but she never takes herself too seriously and always says what’s on her mind.
Adele has always been open and honest about life and love and parenthood but in her new interview with Vanity Fair, the singer gets really real about what it’s been like for her as a mom.
“I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me,” Adele told the magazine. “My knowledge of postpartum — or post-natal, as we call it in England — is that you don’t want to be with your child; you’re worried you might hurt your child; you’re worried you weren’t doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like I’d made the worst decision of my life … It can come in many different forms.”
And while Adele didn’t take antidepressants, she admitted she “didn’t talk to anyone about it.” Her boyfriend, Simon Konecki, did notice something was off and suggested she talk to other pregnant women but she wasn’t interested. “F*ck that, I ain’t hanging around with a fuckin’ bunch of mothers.”
But before long, she realized she was “gravitating towards pregnant women and other women with children, because I found they’re a bit more patient. You’ll be talking to someone, but you’re not really listening, because you’re so f*ckin’ tired.”
Adele said that her friends who didn’t have kids found her annoying “whereas I knew I could just sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and we wouldn’t judge each other. One day I said to a friend, ‘I f*ckin’ hate this,’ and she just burst into tears and said, ‘I f*ckin’ hate this, too.’ And it was done. It lifted.”
Now she gives herself an afternoon to herself every week, “to do whatever the f*ck I want without my baby.” When a friend asked if she felt bad, she said she did “but not as bad as I’d feel if I didn’t do it.” A few of her friends felt the same way and felt embarrassed and guilty about it, but Adele believes it only makes them stronger, better moms.
But it’s what she says about NOT having kids that hits home for a lot of us, whether you have kids, can’t have kids or don’t want them. When she is called “brave” for having a child in the middle of her super-successful career, she replied, “I think it’s the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that’s what adults do.
“I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the f*ck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.”
And, as parents, that’s how we feel, for the most part. Because aren’t there times when you wish you could go to a restaurant that didn’t have a kids’ menu? Or see a movie that isn’t animated? Or have sex in a room that doesn’t have a bed in it? Obviously we wouldn’t change anything but there isn’t enough “me time” going around. Most importantly, though, sometimes we need to communicate and get things off our chest, and it would be nice to not have to worry about being judged for comments that might not exactly be super-kid-friendly. Just because we’re moms and dads doesn’t mean we should lose our identities as women and men. So it’s OK to admit when you’ve had enough or need a break. We just have to be a society that is open to being OK hearing things like that. Leave it to Adele to make it all seem so normal. Can she please be friends with us??