What follows is our gluttonous journey into the sweet, off-brand, hard-candied, chocolate-ish mess that is the Dollarama Halloween candy selection. Our teeth still hurt from our little adventure.
From old classics like the Tootsie Roll to new contenders like the Disney Star Wars Candy Sticks, we tasted it all so you don’t have to. Oh, but your kids, they totally still have to. Here they are, ranked, from barely edible to absolutely delicious.
All the Dollarama Halloween candy, ranked
16. Witches Cat Chat Gummy Candies, $2.50It may be fun to say, but this bilingual mess is not as fun to eat.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
15. Blood Syrup Candy, $2Any candy disguised as medical paraphernalia should a) not be sold to children and b) not be consumed through a straw. Ever.
Winner: Vampires Choice AwardThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
14. Peeps Marshmallow Pumpkins, $2Marshmallows are for s'mores. And maybe Rice Krispies squares. Nothing else.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
13. Original Foods Marshmallow Brooms, $1What did we just say?The Loop/Coleman Molnar
12. Spooky Treats Eyeballs Gummy Candies, $2.50If you have the spine to chew on these eyeballs, kudos.
Winner: Eyeball-Shaped Candy CategoryThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
11. Rockets Pouches, $3Rockets have the flavour, look and mouth-feel of chewable vitamins, only without any of the health benefits.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
10. Rockets Candy Rolls, $2Presentation is everything.
Winner: Best Gluten-Free, Peanut-Free OptionThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
9. Tootsie Roll, $2It's not chocolate. It's not taffy. It's not getting eaten until mid-November.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
8. Popeye Candy Sticks, $2Remember when these used to be called Popeye Cigarettes? Ah, memories.
Winner: The Don Draper Award for Selling Candy Cigarettes to ChildrenThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
7. Double Crisp Monster Munny, $2Crunchy? Yes. Delicious? Yes. Legal tender? No.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
6. Disney Star Wars Candy Sticks, $2Chewbacca makes everything better.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
5. Halloween Swirl Lollipops, $2.50At least this one will last for a while in your mouth. We're not sure if that's good or bad.
Winner: Most Instagrammable Candy in the PillowcaseThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
4. Popping Candy, $2.50Not to be confused with, but nearly identical to, Pop Rocks.The Loop/Coleman Molnar
3. Ringpop Gummies, $3You can suck them, chew them, or add them to your fall wardrobe for a welcome pop of colour.
Winner: The Sticky Fingers Award for Most Interactive ExperienceThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
2. Original Foods Halloween Kisses, $2Love 'em or hate 'em, there's no in-between.
Winner: The Nostalgia Nugget Award for Sugar Flashbacks
The Lifetime (of Cavities) Achievement AwardThe Loop/Coleman Molnar
1. Palmer Ghostly Goodies, $3With three shockingly delicious options, Chocolatey Flavoured Plumpkin Pals (yes, we said plumpkin), Creamy Caramel Cups, and Double Crisp Monster Munny, this is the hands-down winner. Plus, at 468 grams and 46 pieces, it's also a disgusting amount of completely average chocolate.The Loop/Coleman Molnar