White and red usually make for a nice pairing. A white wine, for example, is nicely followed by a red wine. A candy cane is a minty holiday treat. Apples sometimes have a red, shiny outside, and a delicious white inside. Amal Alamuddin-Clooney‘s recent dress, however, did not pair the two beautifully. The fit, is perfect, sure, but the excessive red flower appliques at the abdomen make it actually look like she’s been shot in the gut with a gun. Now, we do not support gun violence, and we very well know that no one at all was harmed in this gorgeous relationship. But, just look at it! It’s like she’s wearing a Tarantino film on her body. You can’t unsee that. Sorry, Amal, we love you, but this is not great.
She joins Christina Ricci, Geri Halliwell, Kristen Wiig and many more this week, because, well, the stars don’t always glisten on the red carpet. Have a look:
Amal Alamuddin-Clooney looks like she was shot, possibly by George
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Sarah Michelle Gellar
Here's Buffy looking like she's an 1980s Canadian pop star. Getty Images
Christina Ricci
Christina Ricci has chosen a floor-length gown in a subtle violet that’s just too Disney princess. This is a tough one, because we like the look (except the lace-and-pleated combo) but it’s just that the colour adds a certain prepubescence that’s hard to shake once the idea of it gets in your head, which happens essentially right away.Getty Images
Geri Halliwell
Formerly known as Ginger Spice, here is Geri looking not spicy at all. Her dress looks like a rug that has frayed edges. Not by choice. The rug is old in this situation. Getty Images
Jada Pinkett Smith
A little black dress is usually the safest bet. Except when it looks like the skirt is a bunched up garbage bag. Less of that, Jada. Getty Images
Amal Alamuddin-Clooney
Amal is gorgeous. And if this dress were all white, with a little red here and there, we'd love it. Instead, the excess red at the abdomen makes it looks like her insides just exploded. Getty Images
Dakota Johnson
We’re hoping Dakota Johnson’s character in ‘How to Be Single,’ which she’s premiering here, is not like her chosen outfit: boring and drab. It’s too similar to her skin tone, and the star motifs are juvenile and dull at the same time. It makes a statement, but it’s so quiet that, unfortunately, nobody can hear. Getty Images
Kelly Osbourne
We’re not sure who it’s supposed to be that's pinned to her overcoat—maybe Trump, or herself—but Kelly Osbourne is clearly supporting them. Also, that is an overcoat, right Kelly? Are you cold? We recommend finding a coat check and ditching the pin while you’re at it. Getty Images
Kristen Wiig
Kristin Wiig’s lopsided, one-shoulder top with floral appliques looks like a Kindergartner’s macaroni project that isn’t finished yet. The strappy sandals, black cigarette pants and stark, gelled-back hairstyle she chose to pair with it would’ve gone better with a sexier, simpler top. Getty Images
Kristin Wiig
Here, Wiig is wearing a black mini-dress with an extra-low sweetheart neckline. Like, EXTRA low. Like, “holy cow, Kristin, is that going to fall off right now?” low. We’re not wild about the bow, either, but it’s whether or not the dress is going to stay on her person that has our immediate concern. Getty Images
Lori Petty
What designer would do this to a human being? Is it a jumpsuit? Or a shirt-and-pant thing? Does it matter? No! This looks like something a '90s boy band would’ve worn. So many straps! Are they for safety!? So many questions…and not a single answer. Getty Images
Emilia Clarke
Every woman likes to look good in a red gown every once in a while, but this Coca-Cola-coloured piece on Emilia Clarke is not the one for her. She gets lost in its billow, and the light hue detracts from any elegance that remains. Getty Images
Gwendoline Christie
Game of Thrones’ Brienne of Tarth looks like she’s wearing a Dress of Tarps. The shiny material looks stiff and uncomfortable (tarp-like, dare we say), and the colour is that of an '80s bridesmaid’s dress. Getty Images
Alexandra Billings
It’s not that we’re upset that Alexandra Billings has tan lines—maybe a bit jealous—but she didn’t have to display them like this. Sure, it might’ve meant a last-minute swap, but she easily could’ve opted for something that covered up the zebra-y bits. Instead, this… Getty Images
Our Lady J
Our Lady J’s confused dress is like that one your friend owns that you feel compelled to compliment, not because you like it, but because you know she spent a lot of money on it and can’t take it back. “Ya, Lady J, that high-neck sheer top looks awesome over corset…” Getty Images
Sola Bamis
Geez, how many Red Bulls did Sola Bamis drink before this event? She looks positively ready to take flight. The mustard, fitted gown doesn’t look bad on it’s own, but that massive bow at shoulder height looks EXACTLY like a set of wings. Getty Images
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