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Angry Owl Is Terrorizing Oregon Joggers
And with its 360 degrees of vision, humanity is surely doomed. Oregon officials are warning joggers and visitors at Bush’s Pasture Park to watch out for an owl that’s attacked at least four people in one month. No one has been seriously hurt in any of the incidents, but one man says his hat was ripped right off his head after this real-life angry bird swooped in to take it. Members of a local bird conservancy group say the bird is likely being aggressive because it’s nesting season. There are now signs in the park warning joggers, jokingly, to bring a hard hat.

Angry Owl

Woman says bra saved her life when she was shot during robbery
Who needs Teflon when you have DDs? A Brazilian woman was literally inches from death after a stray bullet struck her near the heart. Ivete Medeiros had been hearing some loud noises coming from outside her shop when she decided to investigate, and it was then when it all went down. She saw a thief opening fire on a passer-by, and a stray bullet struck Ivete right under her left breast. But this unbelievably lucky human being survived the incident because the round happened to lodge itself in the underwire of her lace bra. Medeiros described the experience as a “deliverance from God.”

Super rats to invade town after 20 INCH genetically mutated rodent found
Get ready…the rodent apocalypse is near. Exterminators in Swindon, U.K. are warning that an army of massive rodents immune to traditional poisons are descending on the town (seriously, pack your bags). The warning was issued by a local pest controller after he found a 20-inch rat, which would be the biggest on record for the town. “Super rats” get their name from a genetic mutation that creates a resistance to most mainstream rodenticides. But who knows, maybe they’re friendly?

Super rat

Florida Gets a Machine Gun Theme Park
Just what the sunshine state needs, more guns! “Theme Park” might be a bit of an exaggeration though, as Machine Gun America is essentially a giant shooting range where visitors can fire off heavy-duty fully automatic weapons. As the first automatic gun attraction in Orlando (surprised?), it offers a “safe and controlled” experience allowing customers to fire at targets with images of people like Osama bin Laden on them. The most impressive firearm available? The M1919 belt-fed machine gun – a WWII-era blaster that looks like something out of the D-Day scene in Saving Private Ryan. “Experiences” start at $100.

West Palm Beach man who lists ‘drug dealer’ as occupation arrested
What a shocker. A West Palm Beach man who listed his occupation as “drug dealer” on an arrest report was, you guessed it, arrested Tueday. He was hit with a host of charges, many of which, again not surprisingly, involved drugs. Robert Michael Phillips, who has been arrested more than 12 times, triggered the attention of authorities on this occasion after he cut in front of an unmarked police car and almost caused an accident. A quick records check revealed the car was stolen (because nothing says nonchalant like wrecklessly driving a stolen vehicle). Phillips is now being held in jail in lieu of $242,000 bail.

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