As of November 5, the world is on high alert for a new virus that has infected 20-somethings around the globe. It is called Balmainia, and it is considered highly contagious.
Right now, it’s in its early-pandemic stage, which means the virus is duplicating and spreading at a faster rate than it can be contained.
As of 11:45 a.m. EST, it is expected that at least 100,000 people have Balmainia.
If you aren’t sure if you might have this puzzling condition, here are some warning signs. Those with Balmainia will experience the following symptoms: involuntary shrieking, as if you were becoming an ape and decided to attack a tiny village; spastic movements; disregard for your fellow man; blind rage; random bouts of crying; more involuntary shrieking; and delusions of grandeur.
Local video gives you a visual of what you should look for:
Balmainia was first discovered in an H&M, where an assortment of young people waited in line to get access to the brand’s latest collaboration with Balmain. The virus mutated quickly.
Just by looking at the scene at the early hours of the morning, you’ll notice that the currently infected seemed poised, and normal.
It wasn’t until the doors of H&Ms opened, leaking its retail air into the nasal cavities of patrons, that Balmainia set in. This leads researchers to suspect that it is an airborne virus.
There is no known cure, other than perspective. It is believed that those who have Balmainia do not have access to that at this time.