Do you feel undervalued at your job? Does your boss not appreciate your dance moves, or the range of your voice? Are you tired of your “booty” not being seen as “licious” enough? So what if you’re “just an accountant?” Everyone deserves to be treated like Beyonce, right?
Well, according to Matthew Knowles, Beyonce’s father and former manager, you should and will be treated like her, for the low, low price of just $299. (That’s about $390 Canadian, which is still an absolute steal.)
General admission is only $199 and includes a ticket to see the 6-person “super panel” that will demonstrate just how to break in to the music industry. You know, like Beyonce did. But for just $100 extra, you can also get a private lunch and photo with Mr. Knowles.
It seems to be a pretty foolproof plan.
Step 1: book the day-long bootcamp.
Step 2: take the ‘Knowledge’ from the aforementioned bootcamp and use it to release a few chart-topping hits.
Step 3: secure an invite (with plus one, likely reserved for Jay-Z) to a private White House dinner or two.
Step 4: have a child and name it Crimson Holly, or something.
Step 5: begin pronouncing all Ds as Ts (as in “surfbort”).
Then, once that’s all said and done, you can set your father up with the lucrative retirement business of teaching desperate wannabes how to be like you.