Bostonians Need To Quit Leaping Out Their Windows, Mayor Says
All this winter must be leaving America with a bad case of cabin fever. The mayor of Boston recently issued an unusual warning urging residents to stop hurling themselves from their windows and decks into the snowbanks below. “It’s a foolish thing to do and you could kill yourself,” Mayor Marty Walsh reportedly said. His warning came after a series of videos were posted online showing Bostonians taking dangerous jumps from high places:
Bride marries guest after groom collapses at wedding
Ah, true love. A wedding ceremony was underway in India when the groom suffered an epileptic seizure and had to be taken to the doctor. But rather than accompanying him while he sought medical attention, his wife started fuming over the fact that the groom’s medical history was never disclosed to her. That’s when she asked her sister’s brother-in-law to marry her instead (because why not?), and he agreed. There was just one problem: the groom eventually regained consciousness, only to discover his bride-to-be had married another man. Awkward!
Pat Martin left vote because his underwear ‘too small’
Talk about airing your dirty laundry. NDP MP Pat Martin had a pretty cheeky explanation for his brief absence from his seat in the House of Commons on Thursday. When a Conservative MP asked the speaker if a vote still counts if an MP leaves while it’s being counted, Martin stood to defend himself. “I can blame it on a sale that was down at the Hudson’s Bay [Company] – they had men’s underwear on for half price. I bought a bunch that was clearly too small for me and I find it difficult to sit for any length of time,” he said. After a mix of cheers, awkward looks and applause, it was ruled Martin’s vote would still count.
Frozen fecal matter shuts down highway exit ramp
A literal load of $#!% forced the closure of an exit ramp in Indiana after a tanker accidentally dumped hundreds of gallons of raw sewage on it. A police officer on scene noted that the waste was a disgusting 6 to 8 inches deep in certain places – about ankle deep. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, the massive crap pile froze, making it EXTREMELY hard to get rid of it. The poop literally had to be scraped off the ground.
Kentucky police issue warrant for ‘Frozen’ Queen Elsa
Speaking of all things frozen, police in Kentucky are trying to track down the ice queen. The Harlan City Police Department posted a warrant on its Facebook page describing a “blonde female last seen wearing a long blue dress who is known to burst into song “Let it Go!”.” It also advises the public not to attempt to capture her themselves. Similarly, the RCMP in Nova Scotia issued a similar notice for Old Man Winter, noting that he’s wanted “in relation to a series of storms.” Apparently, they’ve already been in contact with meteorologists to help narrow down his whereabouts.