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In the past few months, we’ve seen feminist conversation enter the mainstream like never before. From the Women’s Marches at the beginning of the year to the ongoing world-wide purge of sexual misconduct perpetrators from their positions of power, “feminism” was certainly the word of the year. Unfortunately, one of the things that makes feminism so taboo and sticky is that everyone has their own idea of what “good” feminism is and loves to yell at each other over doing it wrong. In fact, what’s good and bad for women has started several celebrity feuds this week.

Feminist infighting is something that so often stalls progress in its tracks. The upside is that at the very least, we hear about the experiences and feelings of a diverse group of women who come from different backgrounds and approach both shared and unique problems in different ways. So what are these feuds about and how can we learn from them?

Rose McGowan and Meryl Streep

Rose McGowan tends to toe the line between being a uniting force for women and becoming divisive with her call-outs. Yes, we should call out the people who use their power to get away with sexual misconduct and those who protect them. But we shouldn’t call out others who are trying to make a difference, especially when we don’t have all the facts.

Last week, People reported that Hollywood actresses would be wearing all black to the Golden Globes this year as an anti-sexual harassment protest, naming Meryl Streep, Emma Stone and Jessica Chastain. In a now-deleted tweet, McGowan called the protesters, Streep in particular, “hypocrites” for working with Weinstein and staying “silent” on his actions before they came out this year. She wrote: “Actresses, like Meryl Streep, who happily worked for The Pig Monster, are wearing black @goldenglobes in a silent protest. YOUR SILENCE is THE problem. You’ll accept a fake award breathlessly & affect no real chance. I despise your hypocrisy. Maybe you should all wear Marchesa.” (the Marchesa brand was co-founded by Weinstein’s estranged wife, Georgina Chapman).

Meryl Streep responded with a statement Monday night, saying “it hurt” to be attacked by McGowan, especially since she “did not know about Weinstein’s crimes.” She elaborated that she hardly spent any time with the mogul and that her not knowing about his behaviour was part of his power play — that he needed credible names like Streep to believe him admirable in order to entice other young talent and keep the women he had assaulted silent. Streep also extended a hand to McGowan saying that at this moment, women need to be working together.

McGowan has not directly responded to Streep’s statement, but the actress quote-tweeted a headline saying that Streep tried to contact McGowan personally as she said in her statement, adding a laughing emoji. She did, however tweet a general apology for “the Marchesa line” and said there’s “no road map” for the path she’s on so she will inevitably mess up sometimes.

Rose McGowan and Amber Tamblyn

Amber Tamblyn (who outed James Woods as the creep we always knew him to be) also responded to McGowan’s attack on the black dress protest. In a Twitter thread, Tamblyn said that she supports McGowan but felt compelled to address her “shaming or taunting the movements of other women who are trying to create change.” She continued that what women need during this moment is to support one another’s protests even if we don’t fully agree with them or feel they will be effective. Tamblyn also responded to a message that said it would have been better for her to address the issue privately with Rose rather than do this on Twitter, saying she spoke to McGowan for over an hour before tweeting.

Matt Damon and women in general

Matt Damon is the guy who we always forget is super problematic (remember The Great Wall?) until he reminds us of it again by saying something super dumb. In general, he’s handled this Harvey Weinstein debacle poorly, to say the least. When the news first broke, he did the typical “as a father of daughters” statement (because apparently the fact that women are people doesn’t sink in unless you share DNA with one), he said he wasn’t surprised at the revelations, and then had to deny accusations that he killed an expose about Weinstein in 2004. Last week, Damon sat down with ABC’s Peter Travers and stuck his foot in it again. When asked for his take on “the age of people charged with sexual misconduct” Damon talked about allegations being on a continuum; said that for some people, the public humiliation is punishment enough and defended Louis C.K. Read/view the full statement here if you’d like to feel some righteous outrage. The highlights are:

“We live in this culture of outrage and injury, and, you know, that we’re going to have to correct enough to kind of go, ‘Wait a minute. None of us came here perfect.’ You know what I mean?”

“When [Louis C.K.] came out and said, ‘I did this. I did these things. These women are all telling the truth.’ And I just remember thinking, ‘Well, that’s the sign of somebody who — well, we can work with that.'”

“All of that behavior needs to be confronted, but there is a continuum. And on this end of the continuum where you have rape and child molestation or whatever, you know, that’s prison. Right? … The other stuff is just kind of shameful and gross, and I just think … I don’t know Louis C.K.. I’ve never met him. I’m a fan of his, but I don’t imagine he’s going to do those things again. You know what I mean? I imagine the price that he’s paid at this point is so beyond anything that he — I just think that we have to kind of start delineating between what these behaviors are.”

As you can probably imagine, there was some social media outrage from fans, non-fans and fellow celebrities (including ex-girlfriend, Minnie Driver and Cher).

Matt Damon … again

As if that wasn’t enough damage for the week, Damon then tried to clarify his statements and made things oh so much worse. In an interview with Business Insider published Monday, the actor said that what we need to talk about more is the men who aren’t assaulting women. Yes, seriously.

“We’re in this watershed moment, and it’s great, but I think one thing that’s not being talked about is there are a whole s—load of guys — the preponderance of men I’ve worked with — who don’t do this kind of thing and whose lives aren’t going to be affected,” he said, “If I have to sign a sexual-harassment thing, I don’t care, I’ll sign it. I would have signed it before. I don’t do that, and most of the people I know don’t do that.”

Sorry, Matt, you don’t get a pat on the back for doing the decent thing of not touching other people when and where they don’t want to be touched. He was once again, promptly destroyed on Twitter (and, yes, Cher weighed in again).

So here’s the game plan, everyone: women are going to support each other and victims and men are going to support women and victims. Basically: we are all supporting women and victims from here on out. Got it?