As everyone knows, Taylor Swift is notorious for writing chart-topping, tell-all hits after a breakup. So after she and Calvin Harris announced they were done, we were just counting down the days before the tears dried up and her latest song about long-distance love and no time for each other would gain a stranglehold on Top 40 radio. Then, Swiddles happened. And whatever Swiddles is, be it a genuine, full-blown, middle-school-esque relationship or some Joaquin Phoenix-level performance art, Tom Hiddleston has taken up all of Swifty’s energy, leaving her no time to write about what could’ve been with Harris.
Calvin, on the other hand, has all the time in the world. So why wouldn’t he write a song about his breakup with Taylor? The most innovative part? It’s told from Hiddleston’s point of view.
According to TMZ, the lyrics from his new track “Ole,” sung by John Newman, make it clear that Cal 100 per cent believes Tay hooked up with Tom before they broke up. Just check out these lyrics:
“I see online that you begun to be a good girl and take trips with your boyfriend. Being attentive, continue to pretend …”
Then, “You’ve hidden my name in your phone so you can call me to tell me you’ve been going through hell. Left him alone and you booked in a hotel.”
He even not-so-subtly dropped Tom’s Thor character Loki into the mix with, “Low key you won’t tell none of your friends about me.”
Amazing, right? But funnily enough, there’s nothing “low key” about Swiddles, who continue to be shoved in our faces. Don’t get us wrong, it’s something we will never, ever get tired of (which is exactly what they want) but it’s only been four weeks and they may have overexposed themselves a little too… swiftly.
As for Calvin, his song — which we have yet to hear — may be a low blow, but amazingly this is a first for Taylor. John Mayer didn’t reply to “Dear John” and it’s not like Jake Gyllenhaal was going to take time out of memorizing scripts to dream up a snappy comeback to “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” so uh, count herself lucky?
But if anyone is concerned with how Taylor will react to hearing about Calvin’s future chart-topper, well, arriving at LAX with Tom by her side, in matching outfits to boot, is a start. Harris’ reaction to her non-reaction will presumably be his song getting “leaked” and then, once again, it’s Swift’s move. What will Swiddles do next? Because you know there’s a next.