Love it or hate it (though very few hate it), every Canadian knows that poutine is a national delicacy. There are few foods more Canadian than crispy French fries sprinkled with cheese curds and slathered in gravy. Butter tarts and nanaimo bars are pretty good too, but poutine is at the top. And as Canadians, we’re pretty generous — we love to share our food with other countries. So when one Canadian moved to Boston, he was pretty excited to see that poutine was gaining in popularity there. That is, until he saw what Americans were trying to pass off as poutine.
Spencer Buell, writer at Boston Magazine and poutine enthusiast, noticed that the local Boston restaurants were not doing justice to our national food. In fact, they were downright ruining it. From spaghetti to eggs to an actual pot pie, Americans were creating horrific poutine-like concoctions that would definitely be indictable offences in Canada.
— Boston Magazine (@BostonMagazine) June 22, 2017
We get it, America. You have to take everything and make it “bigger and better,” but you messed with the wrong beloved dish. Buell wrote an entire piece that calls what Boston is serving as poutine “cultural barf.” He then goes on to outline exactly what poutine is not — i.e. all the things America has made poutine into. Buell’s piece is certainly worth a read (maybe don’t do it while eating though). And since knowledge is power, here are a few of the terrible things Americans are doing to our poutine.
Egg and bolognese? “poutine”
First of all, why are we pairing tomato sauce and eggs at all. Second, no thank you. This is not okay.
All next weekend will be STREAMS! Have some american poutine picture for the yayness! pic.twitter.com/BH1qcHDGr2
— John Rettenmaier (@MattRettTV) June 24, 2017
Is this actual stew? Sure, put mushrooms in your gravy, but this just doesn’t look right. Also, are there tater tots in there too?
— 💜💚⚡️🐑⚡️💜💚 (@Perceptas) May 20, 2017
Okay, we’ll admit this one was our bad. We’re not sure what Tim Horton’s was going for here. All we can say in means of defense is that at least it’s only offered in American locations. We’d like to say a classic Canadian “sorry” for this one.
— HuffPost Canada (@HuffPostCanada) June 28, 2017
Chicken pot-ine pie
Oh my. So much is wrong with this. Starting with the fact that this isn’t even beef gravy. Also, where is the cheese? There’s only one poutine ingredient present, and morally, you can’t call that poutine.
This is a downright abomination. It looks like this may have started out as poutine, but it’s been destroyed beyond recognition by that pool of mustard. Stop this.
French Fries with Pulled Pork and Cheese from Flame Tree Barbeque. 😋 . . . #Disneyfood #Disneyfoodblog #Disneyfoodislove #Flametree #flametreebarbecue #BBQ #Poutine #AmericanPoutine #Pulledpork #Cheese #FrenchFries #foodiesofinstagram #Foodies #Foodofdisney #foodofinstagram #Instadisney #Instafood #foodislife
Tater tots “poutine”
Okay, we’re not entirely against meat on your poutine (although it’s still not tradition) but that’s not the real problem here. How can one have enjoyable poutine if it’s made with tater tots? They would go mushy immediately. Poutine requires extra-crispy fries. No one wants to be eating gravy-potato mush.
Tell me this is not hashtagged poutine. Spoiler: it is. We just said you can’t make poutine with anything other than extra-crispy fries. That’s just a mountain of grated potato. Nope. No.
Where is the poutine? All we see is a cheese patty. Poutine is made with cheese curds, not just melted cheese. Bye.
This is just… not okay.
If you made it all the way through those abominations, here’s a reward. A beautiful plate of REAL poutine. Now go out and buy some for yourself. You deserve it.