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Carrie Underwood is opening up once again about her heartbreaking journey to become a mother for the second time. The country superstar, who first welcomed her son Isaiah Michael in 2015, struggled for years to get pregnant a second time, suffering three miscarriages before eventually having her son Jacob in January 2019.

Appearing on the cover for the latest issue of People, which is spotlighting Underwood as one of the 100 reasons to love America, the CMT winner says that the two years she spent trying for a second baby and the ensuing miscarriages were a dark time. “I put a lot of stress on myself — I feel like a lot of moms do, a lot of women do,” Underwood tells the mag, saying she had to finally let go of her expectations in order to find her happiness. “The best moments in my life are when I say, ‘Hey, I can’t control everything, and that’s okay. God is in control.’”

Turning to her faith, Underwood said that the miscarriages made it difficult to focus on the positives in her life. “I’ve always wanted to be a good daughter to my parents but also to God and not complain, because we are beyond blessed. I get to do what I love, I have an incredible family. I have Mike, I have Isaiah, I have great parents. I have all of these amazing people around me, and I don’t want to complain, ever.” Continuing, Underwood said “But the miscarriages made me get real with God and say, ‘Okay, I’m kind of giving up a little bit. If this isn’t meant to happen, then I need to accept that and know that someday I’ll understand why.’”

The singer, who first rose to fame as the Season 4 winner of American Idol, said that soon after she allowed herself to accept that a second baby may not be in her future, she found out she was pregnant with son Jacob.

Underwood first opened up about her miscarriages last September, the same month she announced her pregnancy with Jacob. The singer, who has been married to NHL player Mike Fisher since 2010, said that even though she knew the miscarriages weren’t her fault, she often blamed herself.  “Of course you wonder if it’s you, what am I doing wrong, or what have I done wrong. I remember having conversations with Mike trying to make sense of it all,” says Underwood.

Along with other notable women like Chrissy Teigen, Michelle Obama, Hilaria Baldwin and Claire Holt who have come forward with their experiences, Underwood decision to publicly discuss her fertility struggles help reduce the stigma surrounding miscarriage, which remains an issue that most suffer through in silence.