China bans ‘erotic’ banana-eating live streams

Fruit eating can get pretty X-rated, after all. China’s government is clamping down on “erotic” banana eating because of concerns that it “harms social morality.” But many Chinese residents are wondering how exactly authorities will determine what kind of fruit-eating will be deemed provocative. The move came after erotic, live streaming sites featuring bananas saw a surge in popularity.

Sex doll found in ocean mistaken for angel

Er…oops! A fisherman in Indonesia saw a female figure floating in the ocean back in March (the story only hit the news this week) and immediately hauled her onto his boat. The woman didn’t speak or move, but the fisherman believed it was an angel, because it appeared in the ocean shortly after an eclipse. Once authorities investigated though, they realized it was actually something way less virtuous: a sex doll. “They have no internet, they don’t know what a sex toy is,” the police chief reportedly said.

Cops deploy StingRay anti-terror tech against $50 chicken-wing thief

The definition of terrorism seems to be getting a little broad these days. Cellphone-tracking technology intended to be reserved for only the most serious crimes was recently used to track down a thief who allegedly stole $50 worth of chicken wings and sandwiches in Maryland. Ironically though, officers still weren’t able to track down the culprit. StingRay devices allow authorities to track the location of mobile phones.

Man Files Restraining Order Against God

Needless to say, the order was struck down. David Shoshan entered an Israeli court this week demanding a restraining order against God so that the divine entity would stop interfering in his life. Court documents show that God did not make an appearance at the hearing, but that didn’t stop the judge from throwing out the request. It’s unclear what exactly God did to make Shoshan so upset.

German supermarket forced to recall herring fillets because the product doesn’t clearly warn it might contain fish

You have to wonder who was surprised. German discount supermarket Lidl decided to recall its store brand tinned herring fillets because the packaging doesn’t warn that the product may contain fish. Which is basically the same as buying a chicken breast and then getting surprised over the fact that it contains, well, chicken. The problem is that even though the product does have a warning label in German, it didn’t also include one in English. The store is asking anyone who purchased the herring fillets to return them for a full refund.